Today’s Toons 12/10/12

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

GM has rolled out an even smaller, all-electric car, called the Spark. Considering the Volt’s problems, maybe they shouldn’t have named it after something that starts fires.

On the Today show, Warren Buffet said that a tax hike on the rich would “raise the morale of the middle class”. Doubtful. Their unemployment rate, though…

A new report shows that, in Virginia, gun violence has fallen as the sale of firearms has soared to a new record. In other news, a recent study shows that most criminals don’t like getting shot at.

In DC, Joe Biden made a surprise visit to a Costco for its grand opening. To the relief of all, he did NOT begin his speech with “it’s great to be here at Sam’s Club”.

Secretary of the Interior Ken Salazar refused to renew the land lease for a California oyster farm, effectively killing the 100-year-old business. And you thought death panels were only for Obamacare.

The city of Worcester, Massachusetts is holding its annual annual “Goods for Guns Buyback Program.” In return for the guns, the city will offer gift certificates. And two blocks away they’ll be taken away by muggers who know you’re unarmed.

In Florida, a woman was arrested after she tried to poison her husband’s tuna fish sandwich. Guess Bob Costas will be calling for “tuna control” during his next halftime show.

USA Today reports that 16 major cities in the US have now installed traffic signals specifically for bicycles. Apparently a lot of drivers were getting hurt in Volt/bicycle collisions.

— Fred Thompson

Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner failed to reach a compromise with GOP legislators on Capitol Hill in budget talks. For four years he’s been in charge of the U.S. credit line. He’s the first Secretary of Treasury ever to have to ask China to stop calling at supper time.

The U.N. voted overwhelmingly to recognize Palestine as a state Thursday against the objections of the U.S. and the Israeli delegates in the General Assembly. One thing will remain the same. The weather forecast in Tel Aviv today is cloudy with a chance of rockets.

Bill Clinton offered to share a day in his office with donors who help retire Hillary’s seventy-five thousand dollar campaign debt. You can imagine his sense of urgency. Bill Clinton only has six weeks before she steps down to be alone in his office with his fans.

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi got angry at a press conference last week when a reporter asked her if she’s considering retirement now that’s she’s seventy-two years old. You can only imagine her indignation. That’s because her face only registers surprise.

Bob Costas on the air Sunday blamed the Kansas City Chiefs’ murder-suicide tragedy on handgun rights. It’s not his first time misplacing blame for a tragedy. When he was covering for O.J. Simpson he called for a ban on waiters returning sunglasses in Los Angeles.

Barack Obama went on Twitter Monday to push his proposal that Congress transfer its power to raise the debt ceiling to him. He’s so competitive. Hugo Chavez bet him a thousand dollars he couldn’t seize absolute power in a hundred and forty characters or less.

Investors Daily quoted Michelle Obama telling tourists Monday there are fifty-four Christmas trees in the White House. No president’s ever had fifty-four trees in the house. President Obama insisted on having one Christmas tree for each state in the Union.

Vogue editor Anna Wintour was floated Monday for U.S. Ambassador to Britain. What a trailblazer. She could be the first person ever to spend four years raising money for a presidential candidate just so her magazine could get the first photos of a royal baby.

Congressman Joe Kennedy III married Lauren Birchfield on Saturday in a ceremony performed by the bride’s father. He’s minister of Houston’s First Presbyterian Church. Presbyterians live by a strict moral code and you know how the Kennedys love a challenge.

U.S. Rep. Debbie Wasserman-Schultz accused Republicans Monday of trying to make it a crime to be an illegal alien. Democrats see a conspiracy plot. First Republicans want to say that illegal aliens are illegal, next they’re going to want to take away their voting rights.

President Obama nixed a budget deal offered by Speaker Boehner Tuesday. He said the GOP offer doesn’t raise taxes, it just closes loopholes. President Obama doesn’t want to close any of the tunnels that smugglers are using to bring his voters into the country.

Egypt’s president Mohammed Morsi returned to the palace Wednesday a day after he fled through the back door as protesters stormed the front gate. That was close. He was receiving protection from the U.S. State Department, so he was smart to run for his life.

— Argus Hamilton

Mitt Romney is going back to work. Romney is joining the board of directors at Marriott hotels. See, who says President Obama can’t create jobs? There’s one right there.

Today in Washington, President Obama met with leaders of the American Indian tribes and they honored the president by giving him his own Indian name: “Running Deficit.”

Native Americans are understandably very upset. This country used to belong to them. And, of course, now it belongs to the Chinese, so they are very furious about that.

— Leno


You may have heard that Hostess Bakery plants shut down due to a workers’ strike. But you may not have heard how it was split up. The State Department hired all the Twinkies, the Secret Service hired all the HoHos, the generals are
sleeping with the Cupcakes and the voters sent all the Ding Dongs to Congress.


Did you know “listen” and “silent” use the same letters?

Do you know that the words “race car” spelled backwards still spells “race car”?

And that “eat” is the only word that if you take the first letter and move it to the last, it spells its past tense “ate”?

And have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in “illegal immigrants,” and add just a few more letters, it spells: “Go home you free-loading, benefit-grabbing, resource-sucking, baby-making, non-English-speaking jackasses and take those other hairy-faced, rag-headed, sandal-wearing, bomb-making, camel-riding, goat-loving, raggedy-ass bastards with you.”

How weird is that?


“We Americans got so tired of being thought of as dumbasses by the rest of the world that we went to the polls this November and removed all doubt.”

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