Today’s Toons 12/3/12

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This Thread Brought To You By The Letters R & P:

In Case You Missed It Dept.:

In an open letter, Michael Moore asked of Obama “that your second term not resemble your first”. Man… Michael’s taking the Hostess bankruptcy REALLY hard.

A new report shows that 63% of solar firms have difficulty finding qualified employees. Well, I imagine it IS hard to find folks who want to be unemployed again shortly.

Some child-development experts are now saying that boring, “too-safe” playground equipment is contributing to childhood obesity. Expect a new government health care program: “Oboringcare”.

NBC’s Brian Williams said, “With the election now over, it is once again safe to talk about the economy”. Still not safe to start a business in it, though.

In Bangor, Maine, 2 TV journalists quit live on the air at the end of their show. Odd. Most reporters who quit being journalists stay on the air for years.

The Department of Energy is spending $11 million to promote alternative-fuel vehicles across the country. Ironically, “across the country” is farther than you can drive in one of these.

Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel said Democrats should look to his city as a role model of “innovative financing tools”. Yes, and watch “The Godfather” for horse-grooming tips.

CNN reported that 247 million people went shopping on Black Friday – which would be EVERYONE in the US over the age of 14. Wow. CNN counts shoppers like Obama counts jobs.

California’s Humbolt University has formed an academic institute devoted to marijuana. I guarantee that any story you read about this will contain the phrase “higher education”.

President Obama met with a group of CEOs in an effort to mobilize support for his budget plan. Let me guess. The event’s gift bag contained a fish wrapped in a newspaper.

President Obama said Republicans will “spoil Christmas” if they don’t agree to his plan to raise taxes on high income earners. So? It’s not like the EPA will let Santa put coal in their stockings.

A new Pew poll shows that most people gave Obama’s 2012 campaign a “C+”. Expect America’s credit rating to match that shortly.

— Fred Thompson

U.N. Ambassador Susan Rice insisted Wednesday she was just reciting talking points provided by the CIA when she told five TV talk shows the al-Qaeda attack on the U.S. consulate in Benghazi was a mob reaction to an anti-Muslim video on YouTube. The misinformation has a purpose. We don’t want the bad guys to know who was about to get fired.

President Felipe Calderone asked that Mexico change its name from United States of Mexico to Mexico to help contrast itself with the U.S. Polls reveal six out of ten Mexicans think life’s better in the United States. The other four out of ten Mexicans already live here.

Egypt’s President Mohamed Morsi declared Friday his decisions are above judicial review and can’t be overruled. It prompted pro-democracy riots. In Egypt they riot for freedom, whereas in our more advanced democracy we riot for two-dollar waffle irons.

President Obama asked Americans to unite around the White House Thursday in his Thanksgiving Day address to America. Reporters quickly noted he neglected to thank God. Now that reporters have him safely re-elected, they can tell us what they really think.

The White House Council on Economic Advisors predicted an uptick in employment across the U.S. this month. They predicted several hundred thousand new jobs will be created. The bad news is, most of those new jobs will require a beard, a red suit and a sack.

Bill Clinton was reportedly under consideration Monday to be named U.S. Ambassador to Ireland for the administration. The timing is perfect. Hillary Clinton is about to retire from her globe-trotting job as Secretary of State, and their deal was, separate hemispheres.

President Obama shopped at a book store Saturday to help support Small Business Saturday. He bought fifteen books. His tax policies and his health care law have been so brutal on small businesses the only way they can survive is if he shops there personally.

Bill Clinton advised the White House ornament-maker on making the Christmas ball to represent his presidency on the annual Christmas tree. He hated the preliminary sketch. It was the first time in history the ornament-maker put a zipper on a Christmas ball.

The White House backed Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid’s plan to end the GOP’s power to filibuster Democratic bills and nominations. The Democrats are getting very cocky. Susan Rice just announced she will not vote to confirm John McCain as a U.S. Senator.

Barack Obama said if Republicans agree to tax hikes on the rich he’ll promise to cut spending next year. Nobody’ll fall for that. Republicans weren’t stupid enough to nominate Mitt Romney for president and they’re not stupid enough to raise taxes just on themselves.

President Obama hosted a lunch with Mitt Romney at the White House on Thursday where they discussed ways to improve the economy. However, there were strict dietary laws which had to be observed. Mitt Romney’s religion doesn’t allow him to drink poison.

— Argus Hamilton

President Obama and Mitt Romney had lunch together at the White House today. In fact, Romney offered to buy Obama lunch but the president said, “No, no it’s on our grandchildren. They’ll take care of it. Don’t even worry about it.”

President Obama today pardoned the White House turkey and then the turkey forgave him for the bad economy. So it worked out nice. Thought that was nice.

As you may have heard, our economy is headed towards what they call a fiscal cliff unless President Obama and Congress can reach some sort of compromise. And President Obama is in a tough spot. Because the Democrats did so well on Election Day, he’s running out of Republicans he can blame this on.

I guess it was a closed event: There was no press allowed, there were no cameras, no recordings — to which Mitt Romney said, “I’m not falling for that one again.”

The big topic continues to be the “fiscal cliff.” That’s not a term that normal people use. People don’t relate to that. You want to use words people understand. Say we are headed for “broke-a** mountain.”

— Leno


I love Christmas lights.

They remind me of the people who voted for Obama.

They all hang together; half of them don’t work, and the ones that do, aren’t all that bright.

For those who understand, no explanation is needed.

For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.

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