Today’s Toons 11/5/12

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

On MSNBC’s Morning Joe, the crowd booed a 9-year-old girl for saying she preferred Mitt Romney. Shocking. MSNBC had a crowd?

A school district in Pennsylvania has banned Halloween celebrations, opting for a “fall festival” instead. Wait… wouldn’t that be offensive to clumsy people?

In Colorado, President Obama said he wanted to see wind turbines “manufactured here in China”. Oops! Wasn’t supposed to give that speech until AFTER the election.

In Tampa, Obama’s copy of his second term plan accidentally fell off his podium. Huh. Is he SURE it wasn’t a suicide attempt?

After over 100 rounds of golf as President, Obama now hasn’t played for nearly 3 months. Yup, now “checking his lies” has a whole different meaning.

To check on Sandy, Obama said he went to the situation room. Wonder if he had to introduce himself.

On The Tonight Show, President Obama said the last time he drove a car was to joyride a Volt 3 times around the White House lawn. Huh. Didn’t know you could drive a Volt that far.

In Wisconsin, someone dumped roofing nails all over the parking lot at a Tea Party event. I suppose that’s some Democrat’s idea of a tire industry stimulus.

The city of Aurora, IL, removed over 300 birds from a local home. Turned out most of them were out-of-work air-testers from closed-down coal mines.

On Benghazi, Fox News is this generation’s Woodward and Bernstein. Pounding away while no one else in the media pays attention… until they do.

At a campaign stop in Wisconsin, Vice President Joe Biden claimed that Republicans voted for a “$500 trillion tax cut”. Joe, it’s a three-letter word: M-A-T-H.

At a campaign stop, a tongue-tied Joe Biden spoke of saving “a billion oils of oil over the next ten years”. And they’ll probably spend a trillion dollars of dollar to do it.

President Obama said that, if reelected, he’ll appoint a “Secretary of Business”. Why? With Obama’s economy, he’ll have less to do than the Maytag Repairman.

The Obama campaign recently release a new video featuring the stars from the movie “The Hangover.” I guess the stars from “Clueless” weren’t available.

A former SEIU organizer recently said that the union “required” him to do “political work” on Democrat campaigns. I’m confused. Would that count as a job “created” or a job “saved”?

Less than a week before the election, Obama is now floating the idea of a tiny payroll tax cut. Might work better if more people were on someone’s payroll.

How ironic. First Hillary nails Obama for his inability to handle the “3:00 AM call.” Now her job is to help him cover it up.

— Fred Thompson

President Obama’s poll numbers stayed mired five-to-six points behind Mitt Romney for the second week on Tuesday. The president has begun wondering if he’s going to be out of a job in three months. He is so frightened he’s thinking of voting for Romney himself.

Bill Clinton campaigned for New York congressional candidates Monday. He assured New York voters that he now supports same-sex marriage even though he opposed it during his presidency. To be fair, during his presidency, he also opposed his own marriage.

President Obama campaigned furiously in Ohio this past week drawing good crowds at college campuses. He relaxes around kids. The other day he admitted to one group of students that he was texting while driving when he selected Joe Biden as his vice president.

President Obama flew back to Washington D.C. from the campaign trail on Monday to monitor the hurricane. He came on the radio and issued safety instructions. He blamed Hurricane Sandy on an anti-ocean video currently making the rounds on YouTube.

Bill Clinton took the president’s place on the trail in Florida as the hurricane roared toward landfall Monday. It’s a risk he’s taken before. Bill Clinton was campaigning in Miami during a hurricane twenty years ago and he was blown behind the convention hall.

Mitt Romney led President Obama by five points in Gallup’s daily poll Monday. The country’s in one of those moods. A Democrat sees a glass of water as half-full while a Republican looks at the same glass and wonders who the hell drank half his glass of water.

New York Marathon officials announced that Sunday’s race will proceed as scheduled despite the hurricane damage. It’s the talk of the town. Everybody wonders if a Kenyan could lose the race due to a hurricane and they also wonder about the New York marathon.

Michael Moore made a new campaign video in which elderly nursing home patients threaten to burn this country down if Romney wins the election. They curse and use offensive language. It’s so depressing to Baby Boomers to see how old Jane Fonda’s gotten.

The Democrats ran an ad starring a college girl who says voting for president is like a girl losing her virginity. She says it must be with someone special who understands women. Anybody who waits eight years to turn things around doesn’t understand women.

Mitt Romney helped Ohioans bag hurricane relief supplies for storm victims on the East Coast Tuesday. He faced questions about a past campaign vow to get rid of FEMA. Five minutes after the hurricane hit Atlantic City, FEMA was on the ground in New Orleans.

President Obama resumed campaigning Thursday and gave speeches to Democratic crowds across the country and he ended up in Las Vegas. He’s always inspired by the city. Barack Obama’s new campaign slogan is What Happens in Benghazi stays in Benghazi.

— Argus Hamilton

President Obama is now getting some criticism for calling Mitt Romney a B.S.’er. I don’t think that means “big spender.”

“Don’t ask, don’t tell” is back. Not for gays in the military — it’s President Obama’s new policy for questions about Libya.

Republicans are accusing the White House of successfully engineering a massive cover-up of the Libyan attack. But, on the plus side, it’s the first time in four years Republicans have given credit to Obama for doing anything successfully.

I had a trick-or-treater tonight who stood outside on my porch for an hour, didn’t ring the bell, didn’t knock on the door. I said, “Who are you supposed to be?” He said, “I’m an undecided voter.”

Economists say rebuilding after Hurricane Sandy will give the ailing construction industry a huge boost. In fact, the storm has already created more jobs than President Obama.

Last night I answered the door and there was a kid lying on the porch. He was playing dead. I said: “What are you supposed to be?” He said: “the economy.”

President Obama canceled the annual White House Halloween party. He didn’t want to; he just didn’t want to risk a trick-or-treater asking him a question about Libya.

— Leno

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