Today’s Toons 10/29/12

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

Scientists at Tulane University recently discovered that mice can “sing” in tune with one another. The Obama team could use their help on the Benghazi coverup.

After President Obama’s poor first debate performance, Michelle defended him, saying “he’s still the leader of the free world.” Yeah… free food stamps, free health care…

Speaking in Virginia, Mitt Romney said that President Obama is “running on fumes”. Well, with the price of gas, that’s probably all he can afford.

The FBI foiled a bomb plot targeting a Home Depot on Long Island last week. Obama is officially blaming the incident on a bad Bob Vila YouTube video.

The FEC reports that Obama’s campaign took out a $15 million loan from bailout recipient Bank of America. Wow… BoA just can’t stop making bad investments, can they?

Quarterback Tim Tebow is trademarking “Tebowing,” a move in which he goes down on one knee and holds a clenched fist against his forehead while praying during games. In other news, Obama has now trademarked bowing to foreign leaders as “Baracking”.

Campaigning for Obama, Sandra Fluke’s stop in Reno was attended by only 10 people. Yeah, your 15 minutes of fame are over when that number’s larger than the crowd you can draw.

A new report shows New York and Massachusetts are giving food stamps to 2,000 dead people. Well, how else are they going to get the strength to pull the lever for Obama?

A new survey shows that 40% of Americans have less than $500 in savings. The worst part is they can’t even afford the gas to drive to the bank to get their money.

The Department of Homeland Security said there has been an 80 percent increase in tunnels across the southern border since 2008. And Obama said there were no shovel-ready jobs.

In Florida, a man was arrested after he went to a Democratic Party headquarters and threw a penny at workers there, claiming that the change was “all he has left after being taxed by Obama.” Now, like Obama, he has no hope or change left.

In Wisconsin, Michelle Obama encouraged people to vote early because your “toilet may be overflowing” on election day. Wouldn’t surprise me, considering Obama’s put the entire economy down it.

A new report shows that Solyndra could end up costing taxpayers twice as much as expected. Expect Obama to spin that as “doubling our investment in solar energy”.

— Fred Thompson

Barack Obama and Mitt Romney will hold a foreign policy debate in Florida Monday on TV. It’s nearly over. After two years of uninterrupted campaigning by both parties, anyone who still claims they’re undecided is just lonely and trying to make the phone ring.

Mitt Romney said as governor he asked women’s groups to help him hire qualified females and they brought him binders full of women. How archaic. He was governor so long ago people submitted their resumes on paper instead of throwing them in the ocean.

President Obama picked up five endorsements for re-election Saturday. He received the backing of Venezuela’s president Hugo Chavez, Cuba’s Raoul Castro, and Russia’s president Vladimir Putin, the New York Times and the Los Angeles Times. If they were cards, he would fold.

Barack Obama’s college friend claimed the president sold cocaine back when he was in college. The story was obviously planted by Democrats. The attacks on Mitt Romney didn’t work so now Barack Obama is trying to portray himself as a successful businessman.

The New York Supreme Court ruled that lap dancing does not have the same culture benefit as ballet. They ruled community arts theaters are entitled to tax breaks but strip bars aren’t. Otherwise you can imagine the number of Kennedy Centers for the Performing Arts.

The White House e-mails on September 11th were leaked Tuesday identifying the al-Qaeda attack on the U.S. consulate as it happened. It had nothing to do with a mob reaction to a video as claimed by the White House. If Barack Obama had been president seventy years ago he would have blamed the attack on Pearl Harbor on an anti-Japanese newsreel.

The Rasmussen Poll showed Wednesday that five out of nine Americans thought Mitt Romney won the debates overall. Knowing the facts wasn’t enough. Obama won on substance but Lance Armstrong showed that winning on substances can lead to a recount.

President Obama stopped off in Chicago Thursday and drove down to the South Side and voted in his neighborhood polling place. He arrived in his armored bulletproof limo. They are so common on the South Side of Chicago that no one even bothered to shoot twice.

President Obama unveiled his economic plan for the nation in a booklet Tuesday in Ohio. He took time for a sit-down with unemployed workers. They explained to the president that once his unemployment runs out he can fake an injury and go on disability.

Hillary Clinton hinted Friday she could stay on the job in the second term. Last year she switched to foam rubber lamps in her office. Now they don’t have to pay for new lighting every time a president either cheats on her or blames her for an embassy attack.

Mitt Romney closed the gender gap Thursday, tying Obama for women’s votes in the Gallup poll. Women were stunned when they saw Mitt Romney on TV the first time. All they’d heard was the president’s description of him and he wasn’t wearing a hood or a sheet.

President Obama touted his experience in foreign policy Thursday on the campaign trail. He reminded voters the sanctions he placed on Iran are crippling Iran’s economy. If anybody doubts Barack Obama’s ability to cripple an economy, they are blowing smoke.

— Argus Hamilton

So far for Halloween, sales of Obama masks are 30 percent higher than the sales of Mitt Romney masks. That makes sense. I mean, what’s scarier than four more years of this economy?

Tonight was the third and final presidential debate. The good news? Tonight was the third and final presidential debate.

One of President Obama’s winning points last night was about how sanctions against Iran are crippling their economy. And believe me, if anyone knows how to cripple an economy, it’s President Obama.

We are very excited to have the president of the United States on the show tonight. As you know, he only does these shows maybe once or twice a week.

Actually, do you know why the president is here tonight? Do you know the real reason? To talk to NBC about canceling “The Apprentice.”

Home sales are up. That’s certainly good news. Do you know the most expensive home for sale in the country right now? The White House.

President Obama flew to a rally in Las Vegas last night. However, he did not visit any of the casinos. You know why? When you’re $16 trillion in debt, they don’t let you in.

— Leno

The first lady will be a guest on our show tomorrow. She’ll be here to promote her new reality show, “America’s Next Top Lady.”

– Jimmy Kimmel

While he was at a diner this week in Ohio, a man told Joe Biden that he’s a good guy but a bad vice president. Which gets even worse when you hear that was the only thing President Obama said the entire lunch.

– Jimmy Fallon

A lot of crazy rumors are starting to surface about the two candidates. A man is claiming that President Obama used and sold cocaine in college. On the bright side, if this is true, it means Obama does have business experience.

– Conan





Fifty year-old manure spreader. Not sure of brand. Said to have been produced in Kenya. Used for a few years in Indonesia before being smuggled into the US via Hawaii. Of questionable pedigree. Does not appear to have ever been worked hard. Apparently,
it was pampered by various owners over the years. It doesn’t work very often, but when it does it can sling shit for amazing distances. I am hoping to retire the manure spreader this November. I really don’t want it hanging around getting in the way. I would prefer a foreign buyer to relocate the manure spreader out of the country. I would be willing to trade it for a nicely framed copy of the United States Constitution.

Location: Currently being stored in a big white house in Washington, D.C.

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