Today’s Toons 10/1/12

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Middle Eastern Women Permitted To Drive!

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

Thanks to EPA regulations, one coal company is shutting 8 mines and firing 1200 workers. Now you know why it’s nicknamed the “Employment Prevention Agency”.

The Department of Homeland Security is planning to purchase over 200 million more rounds of ammunition. Wonder if they’ll share any with embassy guards in the Middle East?

Intelligence sources now say the attack on the US Consulate in Benghazi involved a former Gitmo detainee. Great. And these are the only illegals Obama wants to ship out of the country.

Campaigning in North Carolina, Michelle Obama said Barack “has been struggling with us”. Yes, like that time he almost got heat stroke playing the back nine at Andrews.

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney called Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius’s illegal campaigning for Obama an “inadvertent error”. Of course. I mean, who HASN’T accidentally blurted out “reelect Obama”?

While on Letterman, President Obama said of the national debt, “we don’t have to worry about it short term.” I’ll bet the President of Greece used to think the same thing.

A senior Iranian commander threatened a “a pre-emptive attack” on Israel. This is serious. Expect Obama to get booked on Leno ASAP.

The DNC is now offering lunch with Al Gore and Nancy Pelosi as a prize to people who make donations. It’s better than their original thought for 1st place: a root canal.

In Italy, police arrested a man who posed as a pilot and joined the cabin crew in a plane cockpit. Turns out he also once posed as Elizabeth Warren’s genealogist.

A coalition of golf organizations is asking Republicans to stop making so many jokes about President Obama’s love for the game. Kinda hard when Obama’s asking for a mulligan on his whole first term.

New Jersey has banned “big” smiles in driver’s license photos, saying that they could interfere with new facial recognition software. Considering how Obama’s handled the economy, it’s hard to believe this is a problem.

During an interview on Univision, President Obama said “you can’t change Washington from the inside. You can only change it from the outside.” Don’t worry, Mr. President. We’re on it.

— Fred Thompson

The Obama campaign website offered donors an altered American flag with an O in the box in place of the fifty stars Thursday. Everyone’s offended by them. They ran one up the flagpole at a U.S. Embassy in the Middle East and the Muslims refused to burn it.

U.S. Congresswoman Maxine Waters was cleared by the Ethics Committee of getting money for her husband’s bank. She threw her grandson overboard to save herself. It’s working so well with Social Security, she thought she’d try it with the Ethics Committee.

The Pentagon was cited in a report Friday for failing to spend money that’s allocated to register U.S. soldiers overseas to vote. It’s highly controversial. The Obama administration isn’t urging soldiers to vote unless they can prove they were born in Mexico.

CBS’s 60 Minutes held dueling interviews Sunday between the President of the United States and his GOP challenger. The two clearly don’t like each other. This week it was discovered that the Secret Service is using NFL replacement referees to guard Mitt Romney.

President Obama spoke in Milwaukee Tuesday in an arena with a lot of empty seats in it. The president was a lot more popular four years ago than now. Back then the motto was Hope and Change, and now it’s Come for the Free Health Care, Stay for the Guillotining.

Mitt Romney was accused by Democrats of upping his tax payments by not subtracting all his charity deductions. Imagine the opposition’s fury. Democrats say Mitt gave four million dollars to charity last year and all that money could have gone to helping the needy.

President Obama taped an interview on The View before his U.N. speech Tuesday. He needed to clarify what really caused the embassy attack in Libya. He was forced to admit that a video of a high school production of Fiddler on the Roof is not an anti-Muslim movie.

President Obama referred to Israel Sunday as one of our closest allies in the region, not our closest, and he called Netanyahu’s concerns noise. It set off alarms. This could cause Florida voters to agree with Paul Ryan that guarding Social Security isn’t everything.

Monica Lewinsky was reported Monday to have signed a twelve million dollar book deal with an unnamed publisher. It’s hard to believe, but she’s about to turn forty. It seems like only yesterday that she was crawling around on the floor of the Oval Office.

President Obama drew criticism on Tuesday for going on with the ladies of The View on ABC rather than meet world leaders at the U.N. He’s simply following in the tradition of FDR, JFK and Bill Clinton. A Democrat isn’t a Democrat unless he makes time for Whoopi.

President Obama gave a speech to the U.N. General Assembly Tuesday. He did not cite terrorism but blamed Mideast violence on an anti-Muslim video on YouTube. He’s acting like if he can get a billion Muslims to watch the video by Sunday he wins a free game.

Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad declared in his U.N. speech that Israel will be eliminated and has no roots in the Middle East. He was upset when officials wouldn’t allow him to visit Ground Zero. They didn’t want to tell him that it’ll visit him soon enough.

Israel’s Benjamin Netanyahu tried to speak with President Obama at the U.N. Monday but was rebuffed. He tried another way that didn’t work. He put on suspenders and glasses and pretended to be Larry King so the president would think it was a softball interview.

Madonna stood onstage at her concert in Washington D.C. Monday and told the crowd she will strip completely naked onstage if American voters re-elect President Obama. The next morning the betting line in Las Vegas moved nine points. She just elected Romney.

President Obama drew heat Tuesday for not talking to any Mideast leaders at the U.N. in New York. It’s quite defensible. You get so hooked on that AFTRA minimum of two grand for every talk show appearance, and you begin to wonder why you should give it away for free.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid denounced Mitt Romney for sullying the Mormon faith Tuesday. He’s one to talk. Like most lawmakers who have served in Washington D.C. for over thirty years, Senator Reid credits his longevity in office to insufficient evidence.

— Argus Hamilton

In an interview with Univision, President Obama said if there’s one thing he’s learned, it’s that you can’t change Washington from within. So what is he saying — that if we want real change, we should throw him out?

Obama has gone from “Yes we can.” to “I’m sorry. No one can.”

Mitt Romney’s campaign released his 2011 tax return. Democrats still want him to release all his tax returns for the last 10 years. Romney says he can’t do it, and he’s got a good excuse. He says his dog ate them and then Obama ate the dog.

The economy is so bad, instead of Secret Service protection, the White House is using replacement refs to guard President Obama.

The president’s re-election campaign slogan is “Forward,” which is also his policy on paying for stuff.

Jobs & 0bama (video)

— Leno

President Ahmadinejad was interviewed on Piers Morgan’s show. I can’t believe CNN let that shady dude into the building and gave him air time — and also the guy from Iran.

– Craig Ferguson

It’s fall in New York City and today Mayor Bloomberg banned 16-ounce cups of chowder.

You know who’s at the U.N. today? Mahmoud Ahmadinejad from Iran. A creepy, little guy, huh? He just dropped by the U.N. for another hate-filled rant. Then he went back in line for the new iPhone.

– Letterman

President Obama’s campaign is trying to appeal to single women in Florida over 65. Which explains Obama’s new slogan, “Hope, change, and Boniva.”

– Jimmy Fallon

At a recent concert, Madonna told the audience she would strip naked if President Obama is re-elected. In a related story, President Obama is now trailing in the polls by 97 percent.

– Conan

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