Today’s Toons 9/24/12

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

Vanity Fair allowed the White House to approve the quotations from President Obama used in their article. Weird. Why don’t they just use the talking points memo like everyone else?

Right after declining to meet with Israel’s Netanyahu, President Obama announced he’ll be making an appearance on Letterman. I’m guessing that night’s list will be “Top 10 Worst Ways to Treat an Ally”.

Democrats apologized for using Russian warships as a backdrop at their convention while thanking the troops. Guys… you’re gonna need a bigger “reset” button.

In Ohio, Vice President Joe Biden mistakenly called Wright State University “Wayne State University”. Nice gaffe, Joe. Now everyone knows Batman’s secret identity.

A new government report shows that the national debt is now 103% of GDP. President Obama is reportedly disappointed at not being able to give 110%.

The NFL removed a replacement official from the New Orleans-Carolina game because it discovered he was a Saints fan. Wish the media had a similar policy for their White House reporters.

The New York Times is reporting major network TV dramas are being asked to sell Americans on Obamacare. Makes sense. They couldn’t say how great it is on a reality show.

The Obama campaign tweeted urging people to read the state-run Chinese news service Xinhua’s criticism of Mitt Romney. Must’ve been a free subscription included in exchange for all those Treasury Bonds.

The Obama campaign is asking people to hold yard sales and donate the proceeds to them. Might work better if fewer yards were in foreclosure.

During an interview on CBS, President Obama said he’s shown “a desire to find common ground”. Yup, always looking for the compromise between the left wing and the extreme left wing.

A new report shows that, under Obama, for every $1 added to the economy, $3 was added to the debt. Expect the Obama campaign to spin that as “tripling your investment”.

— Fred Thompson

The Moscow Times reported the death of a man in Dagestan Tuesday who’d lived to one hundred twenty-two years old. He attributed his lifespan to abstention from alcohol, tobacco and extramarital affairs. Mitt Romney’s physician just diagnosed him as immortal.

Snoop Dogg announced he’ll vote for President Obama Thursday. He said he had to go with experience. President Obama smoked pot from the time he was in high school til the day he decided on a political career and that’s what Snoop Dogg looks for in a leader.

President Obama was slammed for flying to Las Vegas for a speech Wednesday in the middle of the U.S. embassy riots. Security was tight there. The Secret Service locked down the Luxor Hotel in case an Egyptian tourist got homesick and decided to set it on fire.

The Today Show apologized for allowing Kris Jenner to discuss her breast implants instead of airing a September 11th observance. Protesters might burn NBC Burbank to the ground. Apologizing for increased breast size is considered blasphemy in Los Angeles.

President Obama skipped a CIA briefing Monday for a Miami radio interview with the deejay, Pimp with the Limp. No problem. The CIA will start feeding the classified briefing directly to the Pimp with the Limp, then he can pass it on to Obama during the commercial breaks.

Barack Obama will attend a fundraiser held by actor Jonathan Goldsmith, who plays The Most Interesting Man in the World on Dos Equis beer commercials. All the ads have to be re-shot. Now he says he doesn’t always drink, but when he does, he drinks the Kool-Aid.

President Obama sat down with David Letterman on CBS Tuesday. They were told to sit up straight. In America you are free to cross your legs on camera, but if you show the bottom of your shoe to any Muslim viewers, the video could start a revolution in Khartoum.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers knocked down Eli Manning Sunday when he knelt down on the last play of the game. The defense thought he was ridiculing Tim Tebow. The video of this incident could cause evangelical protesters to set fire to the Yankee consulate.

U.N. Ambassador Susan Rice claimed the attack on the U.S. embassy in Libya was a spontaneous reaction to a video. The protesters just happened to be carrying their rocket launchers on September 11th when they felt insulted over a video released on YouTube in June. That’s what the president told Rice, and as we know, rice goes with anything.

Michelle Bachmann called on President Obama to cancel his David Letterman show interview and meet with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu instead. Obama had better be funny. Even Jimmy Carter didn’t answer a U.S. Embassy attack by bombing on Letterman.

The Obama administration paid a PR firm a million dollars to lobby Hollywood TV shows to feature ObamaCare in their scripts. Hollywood is spooked about it. Andy Griffith did a TV commercial for ObamaCare and he’ll never work in show business again.

President Obama went on David Letterman’s show Tuesday followed by a fundraiser at rap star Jay-Z’s nightclub in New York. He loves the celebrity life. Next week he’s going to a chateau in France to sunbathe topless and get some free publicity in the French press.

Mitt Romney was taped last May saying forty-seven percent of people pay no income taxes and feel entitled to free stuff. He breached a self-esteem protocol. This all began when Lyndon Johnson signed a law requiring that everybody in Little League gets a trophy.

President Obama appeared on David Letterman’s show Tuesday in New York City. It was groundbreaking. David Letterman became the first star to interview President Obama all summer with President Obama actually sitting in the chair during the interview.

President Obama ignored CIA testimony Thursday and cited the anti-Muslim video as reason for the Libyan attack. He’s said it until every Muslim has watched the incendiary videos. Kate Middleton’s breasts just hired Barack Obama to help them get more publicity.

The State Department aired TV ads in Pakistan that show Hillary Clinton apologizing for the anti-Muslim video on YouTube. She’s well-respected in the Muslim world. They believe she’s the only woman in America whose husband is allowed to have multiple wives.

Mitt Romney revealed Monday that his Mormon great-grandfather moved to Mexico a century ago to avoid being prosecuted in the United States for polygamy. This shows how tough he’d be on illegal immigration. His family kicked themselves out of the country.

— Argus Hamilton

This Isn’t Comedy – It’s Fact (video)

I’m watching the news, and I see these protesters in countries like Egypt, Afghanistan, Tunisia. They’re all burning American flags. Where are they getting all these flags? If you hate us so much, how do you have a large supply of flags on hand?

All over the world people are chanting, “Death to America.” Except in China, where they’re chanting, “Not until we get our money back.”

Newsweek has a new cover story titled “Muslim Rage.” Can you believe that? They’re still publishing Newsweek.

— Leno

Today is the one-year anniversary of the Occupy Wall Street protests. Remember those? They stomped out greed forever.

– Jimmy Kimmel

A movie about zombies, “Resident Evil: Retribution,” opens today. People become zombies after an experimental medical program goes awry and mutants become undead, bent on destroying the world. Or as Republicans call it, Obamacare.

– Craig Ferguson

A lot of people are commenting that Mitt Romney is looking extremely tan lately. In fact, if Romney gets any darker he’s not going to vote for himself.

– Conan

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