Today’s Toons 8/13/12

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

During a campaign stop in Ohio, President Obama cited an “independent, non-partisan study” – that was written by one of his former staff members. Sorta the Presidential equivalent of “my mom says I’m cool.”

Citing ObamaCare among other examples, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi said President Obama has enacted many “expansions of freedom.” Yes – the freedom of government to act without constitutional restraint.

Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel criticized Chik-fil-A, saying it didn’t have “Chicago values.” I guess because they stuff chicken boxes instead of ballot boxes.

Half of US counties are now considered “disaster areas” because of the drought. The other half, because of Obama’s economic policies.

A new Pew poll showed Obama with a double-digit lead over Romney, but only because it heavily oversampled Democrats during the survey. Well, it does makes sense. Where Obama’s from, Democrats overvote.

A new report says there’s been a sharp increase in the number of people using smartphone apps to detect and monitor health risks. Probably a good idea since we may not have doctors to do it in a few years.

An analysis by the Associated Press shows that people retiring today have paid more in Social Security taxes than they will receive in benefits. Now THOSE are people who didn’t pay a fair share.

The Obama campaign has released a smartphone app that reveals which of your neighbors are registered Democrats. You probably don’t need it if you live next to a cemetery.

President Obama took a break from campaigning and celebrated his birthday by playing golf. By my calculations, that should make him about 150 years old now.

A New Jersey man arrested for wearing a superhero outfit to Home Depot said he was just “trying to inspire hope.” Poor misguided fella. You don’t use a costume for that. Just a trillion dollars of other people’s money.

A new study shows that Democrats are more comfortable with having their politicians lie than Republicans are. Wait… then how do we know they answered the survey honestly?

Obama economic adviser Alan Krueger wrote on the White House website that the unemployment rate isn’t 8.3%, it’s only 8.254%. Guys… what’s really bugging us is the first digit, not the last one.

DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz said, “This election should not be about defeating Barack Obama. It should be about getting the economy turned around.” Debbie… A=B

Warning reporters to take a Drudge article with a grain of salt, White House Press Secretary Jay Carney scolded them to “be mindful of your sources.” Yes, if it’s not an anonymous caller, pay it no mind.

The media is beginning to complain because President Obama has been too busy for a press conference for 2 months now. Obama should compromise and have it on the 18th green at Andrews.

— Fred Thompson

The Labor Department said one hundred sixty-thousand jobs were added last month but the economy is slow. Businesses are really struggling to attract customers. Popeye’s Chicken announced yesterday that Popeye is engaged to Olive Oyl and Bluto is just a friend.

President Obama arrived at Camp David Saturday where he celebrated his fifty-first birthday with a party including family and friends. They rolled out a rich chocolate cake. He didn’t blow out the candles, he simply taxed them until they gave up on their own.

President Obama told sports radio Friday the New York Jets made a mistake by getting Tim Tebow. He said it puts too much pressure on Mark Sanchez. He is already warning the team they’ll face a Justice Department probe if they replace a Hispanic with a white guy.

President Obama ordered the CIA’s clandestine services to help the Syrian rebels overthrow Bashar Assad on Thursday. There goes the element of surprise. President Obama’s idea of clandestine is he only tells three newspapers and one cable news network.

Harry Reid charged Friday that Mitt Romney hasn’t paid taxes in ten years. Many say it could bring Mitt sympathy. If Harry Reid proves that Romney hasn’t paid taxes in ten years, Democratic voters may feel sorry for him and share their food stamps with him.

Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi said U.S. food will be poisoned if Mitt Romney is elected and she called the GOP the party of E. coli. The metaphor marked a shift in party strategy. Pushing grandmother off the cliff wasn’t working anymore so they had to go with diarrhea.

Travel and Leisure reported that a record-low number of Americans are vacationing abroad this summer. Fewer people than ever vacationed at all. The White House is pretty much down to pointing out that at least we get a free trip around the sun every year.

N.Y. Mayor Mike Bloomberg named alcohol use his next crusade Monday. He’s banned large sodas, baby formula, now he’s targeting booze. Everyone just hopes the speakeasies will be clearly marked as to which ones serve alcohol and which ones serve bathtub breast milk.

Jimmy Carter will give a taped speech to the Democratic Convention next month in Charlotte. It’s bound to cheer up Democrats. A speech from Jimmy Carter is a timely reminder that restricting a president to one term does not limit his aggravation potential.

Los Angeles was hit by two earthquakes Wednesday, jolting millions of people awake late at night. You can always tell when it’s an election year. President Obama declared California a disaster area and sent ten thousand Army reservists to straighten the pictures.

President Obama attacked Mitt Romney as Romney Hood Monday, then the next day his ads said Mitt killed a guy’s wife, and on Wednesday they said Bain was financed by El Salvadoran death squads. Every day he tries to divert attention away from the economy. Barack Obama’s been ordered to join the Society of American Magicians or face a huge fine.

The White House denied responsibility Thursday for a TV ad where a guy blames Mitt Romney for killing his wife. It’s out of hand. The next day O.J. Simpson appeared in a TV commercial announcing that he’s finally tracked down the real killer, and it’s Mitt Romney.

— Argus Hamilton

Elizabeth Warren was chosen by the DNC to introduce Bill Clinton at the convention next month. They’re on against the Cowboys-Giants NFL season opener. Her job is to talk continuously till halftime and then introduce Bill Clinton during the first commercial.

— Leno

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