Today’s Toons 8/6/12

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

GM’s stock price has now dropped to less than half of its post-bailout high, but Obama refuses to sell the government’s shares before November. Like many people, he’s hedging until the Romney recovery is up & running.

Despair is settling into the Obama camp, with adviser James Carville saying, “we’re gonna have to go through hell and high water to win this damn thing.” Worse. You’ll have to go through the very fed-up American people.

A new report shows that what little sales growth GM has had is due almost entirely to extending auto loans to subprime borrowers. Oh… sort of a mini-version of what Obama did for GM.

In London, some protesters marched against the Olympics for being too “capitalist.” No doubt while posting the whole thing on Twitter with their iPhones.

Interesting strategy: the DNC’s homepage has more anti-Romney attack ads than it has listings of Obama’s accomplishments. Strange. A coop full of dead chickens, and they’re throwing eggs.

White House spokesman Josh Earnest said that President Obama will “evaluate” a new bill that would ban online ammunition sales. Obama’ll probably suggest a Bloomberg compromise – you can only buy 16 oz at a time.

A new book claims that President Obama canceled the bin Laden raid three times because adviser Valerie Jarrett disapproved. Apparently Obama’s REAL “gutsy call” was finally telling Valerie no.

After denying it, the White House finally admitted that it DID return a bust of Winston Churchill to Britain. No word on if Holder sent a pile of illegal guns along with it.

Obama campaign adviser Robert Gibbs said that Mitt Romney’s visit to London for the Olympics was “embarrassing for our country.” Absolutely. Romney went over there and didn’t bow to a single person.

A Dallas rally by Glenn Beck that drew a crowd of over 65,000 was given zero coverage by the Big Three news networks. Should’ve held it at Sarah Jessica Parker’s house.

During congressional testimony, DHS Secretary Janet Napolitano casually admitted that terrorists enter the US from Mexico “from time to time.” Mostly to deliver notes to Eric Holder that say “more guns, please.”

The US Army said it’s developing a system for training rats to detect IEDs and landmines. I prefer the old fashioned way: throw a terrorist on it and see if it blows up.

A new TV channel in Egypt will only allow women on it who are fully veiled. Wonder if we could get ’em to host Nancy Pelosi’s next presser?

Stumping for Romney in Ohio, Tim Pawlenty described President Obama as “all foam and no beer.” He forgot to mention Obama’s also sticking us with the tab.

There’s this news story out about a college student from Texas who texted “I need to stop texting” right before he drove off a cliff. Then there’s this story about a Congressman who said “we need to stop spending”…

— Fred Thompson

The Commerce Department reported abysmally low U.S. economic growth in the last quarter on Friday. It’s affecting rich and poor alike. The economy is so bad that the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills fired the nannies and memorized the names of their children.

The White House expressed concern about Friday’s grim economic forecast. No one has an answer. Last night a man jumped the White House fence, but after a brief chase the Secret Service was able to talk Barack Obama into coming back and finishing his term.

Bill Clinton was chosen to be keynote speaker at the Democratic Convention to helps with white male voters. It fell to him. Bill Clinton polls second behind Charlie Sheen among white males, but Charlie was previously scheduled with another personal scandal that day.

The White House denied that Barack Obama returned Churchill’s bust to the British Embassy when he took office. You know the defense. Obama says he didn’t do that, the bust traveled back to the British Embassy over roads and bridges built by somebody else.

New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg moved to restrict formula milk in hospital baby wards to promote breast-feeding. It could be a problem. Due to his law against drinks more than sixteen ounces, mothers could be arrested if they have breasts larger than a Big Gulp.

Bill Clinton agreed to address the Democratic Convention next month in Charlotte. He’s the patron saint of comedians. The day after Bill Clinton’s portrait was unveiled at the White House, they found it on the floor on top of Dolly Madison’s portrait.

Mitt Romney praised Israelis for their success despite their lack of natural resources Monday. He attributed it to Israel’s cultural superiority. Palestinians called his remarks racist and insisted that Mitt’s horse be sent home from the Olympics and beaten to death.

The London Games were plagued by empty seats at sporting venues on Monday. Bureaucracy and inefficiency are to blame. The organizers gave a block of tickets to the National Health Service to hand out to patients and a lot of people died before they could get to the games.

Washington D.C. public schools started a pilot program that pays kids five dollars an hour to go to summer school. It’ll backfire. They enter the program as poor minority youth but once they see what’s left after taxes they’re sure to form Young Republican Clubs.

Chick-fil-A was jam-packed Wednesday by people in support of the store’s president, who opposes same-sex marriage. Sales were phenomenal. The next day GM told car buyers that a Chevy Volt can only be charged by inserting a male plug into a female socket.

— Argus Hamilton

The apartment that President Obama used to live in when he was a college student in New York is now up for rent for $2,400 a month. Coincidentally, Obama was only there for one four-year term.

— Leno

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