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In Case You Missed It Dept.:
During a speech in Nashville, Michelle Obama said that there’s “no place better” than church to talk politics. At least that’s what Rev. Wright always told us.
Stockton, California (population 300,000) has become the largest US city to ever file for bankruptcy. They could’ve avoided this with a little fiscal responsibility, or a GM plant.
Liberal political consultant James Carville sent out a fundraising email entitled “The Tea Party is Over.” Yup, over here, over there – pretty much everywhere.
— Fred Thompson
Mitt Romney raised a million dollars in the first hour after the Supreme Court ruled that ObamaCare is legal as a tax. It was tough for Mitt to issue an official statement. There were so many hundred dollar bills raining on him that he thought his zipper was down.
The Supreme Court kept intact the individual penalties written into the health care law. It teaches freeloaders a lesson. People who refuse to buy health insurance could go to prison for five years, where they’ll receive free health care and complimentary meals.
The Supreme Court ruled Thursday the government can tax you for a product you don’t want to buy. The idea spread. McDonald’s began charging five dollars extra if you don’t want fries with that, and unattractive hookers are cleaning up at Sunset and La Brea.
The Supreme Court ruling for ObamaCare Thursday also upheld the ten percent tax on all tanning booth sessions. So the ruling wasn’t all good news for Democrats. It’s now ten percent more expensive for Senate candidate Elizabeth Warren to look Cherokee.
California’s Assembly passed a bill Friday that protects a child with same-sex lesbian parents. The law protects child custody claims by a man who dated one of the lesbians and fathered the child. Under Justice Roberts’ health care ruling any mandate is now a tax.
President Obama’s campaign claimed Saturday that he’s the right leader to deal with hot summers. He may be right. The bad news is that the nation was under a heat dome, but the good news is we have plenty of shade under out fourteen trillion dollar debt ceiling.
The Washington Post retracted a story saying Mitt Romney once outsourced U.S. jobs to India while he was the head of Bain Capital. The accusation never made any sense. If you’re a Republican you have only one interest in India and that’s wondering how the British were able to rule India two centuries while being outnumbered a thousand-to-one.
President Obama aired a campaign TV ad in a dozen states in which he tells a crowd how he saved the U.S. economy. The ad campaign is called Believe. Ever since the White House Correspondents dinner he wants to get laughs every time he says something onstage.
Katie Holmes filed for divorce from Tom Cruise Friday to prevent their six-year-old daughter from being sent to Scientology indoctrination camp. Hollywood mothers are particular about the religious schools their daughters attend. Katie wants her daughter to go with her friends to recycling camp at the Al Gore Institute.
Andy Griffith’s family shocked his fans Tuesday by burying him only five hours after he passed away in North Carolina. This was no mystery. It just shows that people who inherit large amounts of money don’t care much for people who make Obama commercials.
Congress faces a new round of tense debt ceiling negotiations this summer when the Members return to Washington from recess. Democrats warn that if the debt ceiling is not raised, the U.S. government will cease to function. The question is, how would they tell?
New York’s Joey Chestnut won the annual Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest on Coney Island on July Fourth. He ate sixty-eight hot dogs in twenty minutes. Mayor Bloomberg was on hand to arrest the winner when he ordered a twenty-ounce Pepsi to wash it down.
The Wall Street Journal reported an improved market for job applicants Friday. It’s vital to remember that you’re always showcasing. Last week at the Orlando airport a woman was arrested for groping a TSA agent and two days later she was offered a job with the TSA.
The Weather Channel reports Washington D.C. remained boiling hot Thursday with much of the city without power or air conditioning. There’s little reason for U.S. lawmakers to return. It was so hot in the U.S. Capitol last week they had to install a fan on the debt ceiling.
President Obama canceled his vacation to Martha’s Vineyard Friday, saying he must focus on his re-election campaign. It calls for a special counsel. If the president suffers an injury that’s preventing him from playing golf, the country has a right to know about it.
Anne Romney gave an interview to CBS Thursday where she said a woman was being actively considered as the GOP running mate. It’s possible. They want a woman who can articulate the case against Barack Obama and act as a hatchet and Hillary’s thinking it over.
— Argus Hamilton
Last night was the big annual congressional baseball game between the Democrats and Republicans, and the Democrats won 18-5. Of course the Democrats won. Did you see who the umpire was? Chief Justice John Roberts.
The Democratic Convention is $27 million in debt. They had to cancel the kick-off event at the Charlotte Motor Speedway. A speedway is the perfect place for the Democratic Convention. You go around in circles, turn left every few seconds, and you end up right where you started.
This week Vice President Joe Biden spoke at a senior center in Iowa. Which explains why the seniors were like, “Is this Hell?”
— Jimmy Fallon
When you join the witness protection program the government usually gives you a fake birth certificate, like they did for President Obama.
– Craig Ferguson
Before Obama was elected President he went to see Bill and Hillary for some campaign advice, at their spacious home.
After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom.
When he entered Clinton ‘s private toilet, he was astonished to see that Clinton had a solid gold urinal! Wow!
That afternoon, Obama told his wife, Michelle, about the urinal. “Just think,’ he said, ‘when I am President, I too could have a gold urinal. But I wouldn’t have something so self-indulgent!”
Later, when Michelle had lunch with Hillary, she told Hillary how impressed Obama had been at his discovery of the fact that, in his private bathroom, Bill had a gold urinal.
That evening, when Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed, Hillary smiled, and said to Bill: “I found out who pissed in your saxophone.”
Obama dumps Joe Biden & replaces him with New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg. Their signature policy is pure genius. You are not allowed to purchase a Big Gulp & then you will be taxed if you don’t purchase it.
I am really concerned about North Korea ‘s appointment of the “dear leader”, Kim Jung Il ‘s youngest son to be the new leader of North Korea– a nuclear power!
After all, Kim Jung Un (pronounced Kim’s young-un?) had NO military experience whatsoever before daddy made him a four-star general in the military. This is a snot-nose twerp who has never accomplished anything in his life that that would even come close to military leadership: he hasn’t even so much as led a cub scout troop, let alone coached a sports team or commanded a military platoon. So, setting that aside, next they make him the “beloved leader” of the country. Terrific!!!
Oh, crap! I’m sorry. I just remembered that we did the same thing here. We took a community organizer who has never worn a uniform and made him Commander-in-Chief; a guy who has never led anything more than an ACORN demonstration and made him the leader of this country.
Never mind. Sorry to bother you.
Where, oh where — to put Obama’s picture?
George Washington, our nation’s first president, and leader of the American Revolution!
Abe Lincoln, honorable leader who pulled our nation through its darkest time!
Alexander Hamilton, founding father, first Secretary of the Treasury, and leader of the constitutional convention!
Andrew Jackson, “Old Hickory”, fought the British in New Orleans!
Ulysses Grant, Union army general, led the North through the Civil War!
Ben Franklin, genius inventor, political theorist, and leading author of the Constitution.
Finally, we have someone to put on the food stamp!!!
Obama’s policies have put more people on welfare than any president before him, so this placement is most appropriate.
Unlike the Nobel Peace Prize, for which he did nothing, this is an “honor” he richly deserves.