Today’s Toons 6/4/12

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Trying again to shift the blame for the bumpy economy, President Obama said that Congressional Republicans are “standing in the way” of recovery. Kinda like blaming the ambulance driver for your heart attack.

In Ohio, a gunman robbed a bank and escaped on a BMX bicycle. I hear Obama wants him tracked down and given a green energy grant for not using a getaway car.

MSNBC’s Chris Matthews says he’s tired of having “right-wingers” make fun of the “thrill up my leg” comment he made about Obama. Us? Make fun of him? Don’t be thrilly.

During a visit to San Francisco, Raul Castro’s hard-line communist daughter said “I would vote for Barack Obama.” Honey, this isn’t Cuba. You don’t HAVE to vote for the guy in office.

The White House now claims that “under Obama, federal spending is rising at the slowest pace since Dwight Eisenhower.” Guess blaming it on one previous President wasn’t enough anymore.

DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz predicted there “aren’t going to be any repercussions” from the likely Republican win in the Wisconsin recall election. Debbie… the win IS the repercussion.

Why is it so often said: “The economy is Obama’s re-election problem. Looks like foreign affairs might be an asset”? That’s only true if the bar set for him by the media is so low that it’s actually underground.

The New York Times reports that President Obama is maintaining a secret “kill list.” I’m tempted to suggest the economy’s on it, but that’s not a secret.

The New York Times reports that Presidential adviser David Axelrod is allowed to attend highest-level national security meetings. I’m sure the New York Times would have had no problem with Karl Rove doing the same.

Barack Obama will win re-election in November, according to five astrologers who offered predictions at their New Orleans convention. Must be the same ones who told Obama unemployment would never get above 8%.

President Obama awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom to Dolores Huerta, an avowed socialist labor activist. In France, they’d have just elected her President.

Brutal Zimbabwean Dictator Robert Mugabe has been honored as a “leader for tourism” by the UN. Shocker. The UN honors another genocidal maniac. Did Pol Pot get a “lifetime achievement” award?

A senior Democratic Party official said the Obama campaign may not stick with the slogan “Forward.” Frankly, I liked their old one better: “Lean forward and grab your ankles, America.”

Former Obama Car Czar Steve Rattner said “it’s very hard” to explain President Obama’s record “in a positive way.” Nah, it’s easy: try “nearly finished.”

— Fred Thompson

President Obama gave a college graduation speech in Colorado Thursday. The parents in attendance wept openly. The American Dream used to be graduating from college and owning your own home, now it’s getting the college graduates out of the home you own.

Bill Clinton will headline a twenty-five thousand dollar a ticket fundraiser in Beverly Hills to raise money for the Democratic party. It raised eyebrows. The invite described it as an intimate lunch with Bill Clinton, so everybody assumes it meant pizza with interns.

San Francisco honored former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi in a public ceremony on Thursday by naming a street after her in Golden Gate Park. She’s represented the city in Congress for thirty years. To further honor her, the street will have a lot of work done on it.

Senate candidate Elizabeth Warren was exposed for using fake minority status to get on the faculty at Harvard. The timing worked out perfectly. The Census Bureau has just reported that whites are the minority so now she can be herself and still keep her job.

South Dakota park police arrested a fifty-year-old Chicago man they caught trying to scale Mt Rushmore. It was a long afternoon for everyone. It took them an hour to explain to President Obama that climbing Mt. Rushmore doesn’t entitle you to say that you’re on it.

Bill Clinton posed for photographers on the red carpet of the Cannes Film Festival on Friday with his arms around two porn actresses. He deserves a medal for bravery. It’s the first time a president ever threw himself into harm’s way to save a Secret Service agent.

President Obama’s high school yearbook was made public on Sunday in which Barry Obama thanked his pot dealer for a great year. It shows wisdom. He knew even then that if he wanted to carry the Red States someday, he’d better not thank his coke dealer as well.

Memorial Day travelers were surprised to see lower gas prices during the three-day weekend for the first time in years. Everyone was expecting the worst. This year Indy cars were equipped with back-up electric motors in case Iran closed the Straits of Hormuz.

House Democrats this week celebrate the twenty-fifth anniversary of Barney Frank coming out. He’d pass bills that allowed people without credit to buy homes. The planet Earth was only seven-eighths underwater when Barney Frank first arrived in Washington.

Donald Trump on Sunday cited the brochure written by President Obama’s literary agent twenty years ago which said he was born in Kenya. This could set up a nightmare scenario for the president. No one has ever been forced to choose between a second term and his agent.

The Center for Responsive Politics said Barack Obama became the first candidate ever to raise a billion dollars. He needs every penny. If President Obama loses in November he can use anything left over to build the Barack Obama Presidential Library and Golf Club.

John Edwards’s jury appeared to be deadlocked Tuesday, having rendered no verdict after ten days. It’s out of his control. John Edwards was hoping that the jury would be sequestered so the women would be in hotel rooms and not at home with their husbands.

New York State reported losing six hundred thousand residents to Florida in the last ten years for lower taxes Tuesday. New York has an eight percent income tax rate while Florida has a zero percent state income tax rate. They have a terrible mosquito problem in Florida, but no matter how much blood they drink it’s still less than New York takes.

President Obama released a list of hits he’s ordered on al-Qaeda leaders Tuesday. He wants it known he ordered the assassinations. As soon as he expressed his support for gay marriage you knew he would do something way over the top to prove that he’s straight.

President Obama told Jewish conservative leaders on Tuesday he knows more about Israel than any other past president. His reverence for Israel is genuine. The last time he was in Jerusalem he placed a rolled up prayer in the Wailing That It’s Bush’s Fault Wall.

President Obama angered Poles by referring to Nazi death camps in Poland as Polish death camps. The Poles are his party’s most reliable voters. No one thought it was possible for a Democrat to lose Chicago but Obama’s determined to be the first in everything.

John Edwards was reported Friday to have flirted with female jurors from his chair in court. It’s not like he has an image to protect. If you’re accused of bilking old ladies to hide a pregnant mistress from your dying wife, how is flirting with the jury dirty pool?

— Argus Hamilton

New York City’s Mayor Bloomberg is cracking down on the most dangerous threat to the Big Apple: sodas.

Who is this Mayor Bloomberg who thinks he can tell us what we can and can’t drink? Probably one of those vegan fascists who drives a Prius.

New Yorkers, I’ve got a tip for you. Here is a way to get around the ban. Buy two 12-ounce sodas. All the soda you can drink in exchange for paying twice the sales tax. Bloomberg, you midget genius!

— Leno

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