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This Thread Brought To You By The Letters W & P:
In Case You Missed It Dept.:
I see where gas prices are going down. Since we know from Obama that “speculators” control the market, we clearly need an investigation as to why they decided to drop prices after running them up.
During a speech in Ohio, mansion-owning Vice President Joe Biden referred to himself as “middle class Joe.” You gotta feel for Joe. Before Obama’s economy he was upper class.
An official at the US Naval Academy is urging officers to no longer refer to a certain running exercise as “Indian runs” to avoid offending people. Ok, how about “PC run-amoks”?
During a stop at a Dairy Queen in Ohio, Vice President Joe Biden handed out free ice cream cones before leaving. Pretty symbolic, especially when he borrowed money from a Chinese bystander to pay for it.
A report by environmentalists says that humans will need two Earths to support our lifestyles by 2030 because we are draining the world’s resources so quickly. Let me guess – Obama’s proposed a shovel-ready job to build one?
The National Organization for Women held a protest against Rush Limbaugh in DC. Seven women showed up. Just waiting for the media to dub it the “Million Woman March.”
A Utah school was fined $15,000 by the federal government for selling sugary soda during lunch hour. That’s OK. I’m sure they’ll make it up by holding a bake sale.
First the Secret Service, now DEA agents are being investigated over being involved with Colombian prostitutes. Kinda makes you miss the chaste celibacy of the Clinton administration.
Obama administration officials were caught on tape pressuring coal mining companies to lower job loss estimates associated with coal regulations. So… would those jobs count as “created” or “saved”?
Liberal Princeton Professor Cornell West said he thinks President Obama is “obsessed with being on Mount Rushmore.” I can see him getting there. The same way Cary Grant did in North by Northwest.
SpaceX successfully launched the first commercial rocket bound for the International Space Station. Must’ve been unexpected. The media hasn’t figured out how to spin it as an Obama accomplishment yet.
During a campaign rally, Vice President Joe Biden said “imagine where we’d be if the Tea Party hadn’t taken control of the House.” Sometimes I do. Then I wake up in a cold sweat.
During a campaign stop in New Hampshire, Vice President Joe Biden said that Romney’s private business experience doesn’t “qualify him to be President.” Yes, it’s a pity he doesn’t have more “community organizing” on his resume.
In Ohio, a man was ticketed for littering after dropping money on the ground. So when will they ticket Obama for dropping it out of helicopters?
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said the State Department has hacked into Al-Qaeda websites in Yemen. Disclosure of classified information for political reasons. Hillary gets more passes from the press than Kim Kardashian on a troop ship.
Los Angeles became the largest city in the nation Wednesday to approve a ban on plastic bags. Evidently, all big dogs have abandoned L.A. too, otherwise there’s gonna be a heck of a mess.
Border Patrol agents in California discovered 13 illegal immigrants being smuggled in a phony UPS van. Eric Holder is furious, saying they should’ve been overnighted by FedEx.
— Fred Thompson
John Edwards’s trial went to the jury in Raleigh Friday to decide if he used campaign funds to hide a pregnant mistress from his dying wife. He remains optimistic. In a last ditch effort to win over the North Carolina jury, John Edwards changed his plea to Not Gay.
Robert Downey Jr. got a fifty million dollar payout for The Avengers Friday. Like President Obama, he has evolved. Early in his career he was a liberal, after Iron Man he became a moderate, and as soon as his check for the Avengers cleared, he came out for states’ rights and the flat tax.
President Obama arrived at ABC studios in New York Tuesday for an appearance on The View. The president’s security team wasn’t intrusive at all. The head of the Secret Service looked closely at the women on the show and gave the chaperones the morning off.
Reverend Jeremiah Wright went on Fox News Thursday to confirm that the Obama campaign four years ago offered him one hundred and fifty thousand dollars to stop preaching for a year. That’s the funniest thing he ever heard. Jeremiah Wright has got souls to save, and he makes a hundred and fifty grand per revival.
President Obama billed himself as a Harvard graduate who was born in Kenya in his literary agent’s booklet years ago. It wasn’t true of course. He’d entered the Boston Marathon and thought his best chance to win was by scaring everybody else out of the race.
The John Edwards case went to the jury Friday. Prosecutors say he took one million dollars in cash from a rich widow to conceal his pregnant mistress from his dying wife. It’s the hardest anybody’s ever worked to become a greeter at the Bill Clinton Presidential Library.
The Census Bureau said children born to minority parents are now a majority in the U.S. It could cause chaos. Harvard could be an all-white school again when all the merit students are white, the legacy students are white and the affirmative action students are white.
President Obama drew huge Hollywood money after Newsweek named him the First Gay President. The magazine listed two criteria. President Obama came out in favor of same-sex marriage and back in the early Nineties he was briefly married to Liza Minnelli.
French President Francois Hollande announced a troop pullout from Afghanistan by year’s end as he promised in the election. It’s the same promise Barack Obama made four years ago. It’s like reruns of Cheers, if it succeeds in one market it’s syndicated everywhere.
Senate Democrats moved to raise airline ticket prices five dollars to cover the TSA’s budget shortfall. It pays the screeners. The TSA tried to downplay the five-dollar cost saying it only comes to two-fifty a breast, the official prevailing rate set by Colonel Sanders.
San Francisco named a road after Nancy Pelosi in Golden Gate Park Sunday. Reaction was split. Democrats say Golden Gate Park provides a scenic place for San Franciscans to salute her, while Republicans expressed surprise the street isn’t in the city’s Castro District.
Newark’s Democratic mayor Cory Booker told Meet the Press Sunday that President Obama’s attacks on Bain Capital were nauseating and that private equity groups do great work. The Obama campaign put him back on the air an hour later. The mayor recanted, but his eyes were blinking out the message that they were pointing a gun at the head of his dog.
Facebook stock dove Tuesday after investors saw that Facebook’s profit ratio didn’t justify the stock price. That’s fixable. Mitt Romney had to be restrained from taking over the company, breaking it into two parts and then laying off Book in order to save Face.
President Obama gave the graduation speech to the Air Force Academy Wednesday in Colorado. He had fun. President Obama gets a much warmer reception at the service academies because it’s the only graduation where the seniors have jobs waiting for them.
President Obama lost forty-two percent of the vote in primaries in Kentucky and in Arkansas Tuesday. He suffered similar embarrassment from Democrats in West Virginia, Oklahoma and North Carolina. As quickly as President Obama reversed course to back gay marriage, he may have to do the same thing with his position on the Confederacy.
President Obama leaked the CIA’s bin Laden kill video to a Hollywood producer. The movie makes the president look heroic. It’s just more evidence that Barack Obama was born somewhere else in that he has never heard of the curse on actors who play Superman.
DEA agents were found Monday to have hired Colombian hookers the same night the Secret Service did. Give them all medals. The U.S. learned that Colombian hookers don’t ship cocaine to the U.S. and they are not planning to harm the president, but it took all night.
Bill Clinton was at the Cannes Film Festival Friday where he posed for cameras with his arms around two gorgeous porn stars. What a trio. One of them just won an award for Best Sex Scene in a movie called Farm Girls Gone Bad, while the other two are actresses.
Walter Cronkite’s bio by Doug Brinkley came out in bookstores Tuesday. It is full of gossip. It says a lot about the Sixties that he bugged a GOP meeting, flew free on Pan Am and had an extramarital fling with a stripper and he was the Most Trusted Man in America.
The White House gave an ad agency twenty million dollars to glorify the Health Care Reform law. It never ends. The administration just fired the only people in Washington who were cutting spending, the Secret Service agents who stiffed the Colombian prostitute.
USA Today released a poll showing Joe Biden was a drag on the ticket for President Obama in swing states. It sounds like he’s being set up to take the blame in November. Geologists could name a tectonic plate after Obama and it would still never be his fault.
The White House weighed in on the Facebook stock opening last week citing it as an example of suspicious insider action on Wall Street. Democrats have their investment skeletons. Green Energy has lost so much money it was just friended by Greece on Facebook.
— Argus Hamilton
Al Gore has a new girlfriend. Apparently, it’s getting pretty serious. He’s already been over to bore her parents.
Gore and his girlfriend were spotted taking long walks on the beach, measuring how much the sea is rising.
President Obama gave the commencement speech at Barnard College the other day. He told graduates their future is bright unless they want jobs.
Congratulations to former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. The city of San Francisco has named a street after her today. It’s called Botox Avenue.
Bad news for CNN. They just had their lowest rating in 15 years. Their ratings are so low that today Jesse Jackson turned them down for an interview.
Police in South Dakota arrested a 53-year-old man formerly from Chicago who’s trying to climb Mount Rushmore. The guy is in his 50s, from Chicago, and he’s desperate to get on Mount Rushmore. Oh my God, it’s Obama!
Just two weeks after a felon in jail got 41 percent of the Democratic vote in West Virginia, President Obama got embarrassed again in Arkansas yesterday when an unknown lawyer got 42 percent. See, that proves once and for all that there’s only a 1 percent difference between a lawyer and a convicted felon.
It’s been a rough week for Facebook and Mark Zuckerberg. Zuckerberg has lost so much money in the market that President Obama is going to have him replace Ben Bernanke.
The Center for Responsive Politics reports that President Obama has become the first politician in history to raise $1 billion in his political career. Imagine how much more he could have raised if people hadn’t lost it all in his economic plan.
President Obama tossed around a football at Soldier Field, home of the Chicago Bears. Obama told Biden to go long. Then, he hopped into his car and drove away.
While attending meetings in Chicago this week, President Obama stayed at a hotel instead of his own house. It was annoying. When he asked for a wake-up call, they just showed him the latest poll numbers.
Today, members of the Secret Service told the Senate that there’s an unwritten rule amongst agents that what happens on the road stays on the road. Not to be confused with that WRITTEN rule — that they shouldn’t have sex with prostitutes.
— Jimmy Fallon
Stories about children and their views of the world are always touching.
A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden.
He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.
Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.
He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention.
He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
”Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked.
”They’re mating,” her father replied.
”What do you call the spider on top?” she asked.
”A Daddy Longlegs,” her father answered.
”So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?” the little girl asked.
As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied, “No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.”
The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then lifted her foot and stomped them flat.
”Well”, she said, “that may be OK at the White House, but we’re not having any of that shit in North Carolina.”
There’s an old sea story about a ship’s captain who inspected his sailors, and afterward told the first mate that his men smelled bad…
The captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors would change underwear occasionally.
The first mate responded,”aye, aye sir, I’ll see to it immediately!”
The first mate went straight to the sailors berth deck and announced,”the Captain thinks you guys smell bad and wants you to change your underwear.”
He continued, “Pittman, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowski, and Brown, you change with Schultz.”
THE MORAL OF THE STORY:
Someone may come along and promise “change”, but don’t count on things smelling any better.
For all of you who have made disparaging remarks about President Obama, please read the following…
I’m sure most of us have read the so-called comparison of Lincoln and Kennedy, but did you ever consider the relationship between Obama and Lincoln ? You might be surprised.
Parallels of Abraham Lincoln and Barack Hussein Obama:
1. Lincoln placed his hand on the Bible for his inauguration. Obama used the same Bible.
2. Lincoln came from Illinois. Obama comes from Illinois.
3. Lincoln served in the Illinois Legislature. Obama served in the Illinois Legislature.
4. Lincoln had very little experience before becoming President. Obama had very little experience before becoming President.
5. Lincoln rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his inauguration. Obama rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his inauguration.
6. Lincoln was a skinny lawyer. Obama is a skinny lawyer.
7. Lincoln was a Republican. Obama is a skinny lawyer.
8. Lincoln was in the United States military. Obama is a skinny lawyer.
9. Lincoln believed in everyone carrying their own weight. Obama is a skinny lawyer.
10. Lincoln did not waste taxpayers’ money on personal enjoyments. Obama is a skinny lawyer.
11. Lincoln was highly respected. Obama is a skinny lawyer.
12. Lincoln was born in the United States. Obama is a skinny lawyer.
13. Lincoln was honest, so honest he was called Honest Abe. Obama is a skinny lawyer.
14. Lincoln saved the United States. Obama is a skinny lawyer.
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