Today’s Toons 4/2/12

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This Thread Brought To You By The Letters A & P:

In Case You Missed It Dept.:

Nancy Pelosi said that, thanks to Obamacare, “you won’t have to be job-locked”. That’s true. In fact, thanks to Obamacare, your company may not have a job for you at all.

Occupy Wall Street announced it was broke, saying they “don’t have enough money to meet our recurring budgets.” Remember back when sitting around doing nothing didn’t cost a dime?

A hot mic caught President Obama telling Russia’s Medvedev, “after my election, I have more flexibility.” And you thought “I’m from the government and I’m here to help” was scary.

The lawyer defending Obamacare before the Supreme Court warned of “grave” and “profound” consequences if it were overturned. Yes, like freedom and liberty.

When asked if allowing individual mandates would let the government make you buy a cell phone, Obamacare’s lawyer said, “I don’t think we think of that as a market.” Definitely got the first half right.

President Obama said regarding his recent hot-mic gaffe, “this is not a matter of hiding the ball.” No. Just dropping it.

A new study shows that sitting down too much can kill you. That’s really bad news considering how much Obama is doing that we won’t stand for.

In an upcoming movie, director Lee Daniels has tapped Jane Fonda to play Nancy Reagan. Interesting. Next, how about Sylvester Stallone as Mahatma Gandhi?

NBC’s Andrea Mitchell profiled a Cuban medical school and called the country “highly regarded for its health care.” Also notable for it’s vibrant amateur sailing industry.

— Fred Thompson

Senator John McCain’s daughter Meghan McCain is posing nude in the April issue of Playboy. She will also tell the magazine her sexual likes and dislikes. What everyone wonders is, what on earth did John McCain do in his past life to deserve this much torture?

Personality and Behavior Bulletin said people become more politically conservative with every drink they consume. This could bring back Prohibition. Democrats don’t like finding out that it takes just two beers to undo twelve years of public school education.

President Obama turned pro-oil exploration in Oklahoma Thursday. He’d argued for weeks there was no silver bullet to lower gas prices. However after three days in the real world he was boasting he’d laid down more pipe than any president since Bill Clinton.

Etch-a-Sketch’s stock doubled Friday when the toy was compared to Mitt Romney by his aide. Everything Mitt touches turns a profit. If the aide had said Mitt Romney was like an Etch-a-Sketch on the dashboard of a Chevy Volt, taxpayers would have their money back by now.

President Obama commented on the Florida shooting of black teen Trayvon Martin by a Hispanic man yet to be arrested. Obama said if he had a son, he’d look like Trayvon. It is a new approach to dealing with a tragedy by calling attention to your own good looks.

Nancy Pelosi’s daughter Alexandra enraged Democrats with her HBO documentary about welfare recipients in New York who refuse to look for work. She videotaped them saying they deserve a free ride because their ancestors were slaves. It’s a warning to all parents about what happens when kids get out of film school and they can’t find a job.

John Edwards was reported Thursday to have used campaign funds to hire a call girl four years ago. At the time he was cheating on his dying wife with his videographer. He had to pay two hundred dollars an hour to find a woman to tell him what a great guy his is.

Jesse Jackson led protests demanding arrest of the Hispanic man who shot Trayvon Martin. Many wore a t-shirt with the shooter’s photo on it calling him a cracker. Some Hispanics were insulted by the label, while others carried pictures of it to help them get work in Alabama.

President Obama traveled to the demilitarized zone between North and South Korea Sunday where he peered through binoculars. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing in North Korea. Here was a country where the rich paid their fair share and it was in ruins.

President Obama met with China’s leader Hu Jintao in Seoul Monday. The president of China had no choice but to meet with Obama in person. He’s been calling trying to collect on the debt but the White House has Caller ID and the president won’t pick up.

President Obama was caught on a hot mic in Seoul telling the Russians he’ll have more flexibility about arms reduction after he’s re-elected. This was not helpful. It just re-ignites the debate in the Republican Party over whether he is a Muslim or a communist.

Florida shooter George Zimmerman said Trayvon Martin slugged him and broke his nose and slammed his head into the concrete. The cops looked at him and believed the shooting was self-defense. If a grand jury agrees, TVs will be free for a couple of nights.

The New York Times refused to label George Zimmerman a Hispanic man Monday. They’ve insisted on calling him a white Hispanic. That way, in addition to being presumed guilty for shooting Trayvon Martin, he is also guilty of looting the gold from the Incas and Aztecs.

President Obama’s illegal alien uncle George Onyango gave up his driver’s license to Boston police after a DUI conviction Tuesday. He had to verify employment. They knew he works at Conti’s liquor store, they didn’t know he works there as a product demonstrator.

President Obama was caught on a microphone telling Russia’s president Dmitri Medvedev he can be more flexible on missile defense after he’s re-elected. The Russians were skeptical. They’re not confident of their ability to rig two presidential elections in one year.

President Obama remarked in Seoul Tuesday that North Korea was living in a time warp that’s missed fifty years of progress. He’s not sure how to advise them. They’ve spread the wealth around for sixty years and he thinks they should be doing better by now.

Germany’s Supreme Court ruled it’s legal for German police to racially profile people as suspects. We know where this ends. Jesse Jackson just issued a travel warning for Germany, Poland, the Czech Republic, France and, if nothing is done to stop it, England.

President Obama proposed tax hikes on oil companies Thursday and more spending on wind and solar energy. There’s a partisan divide on energy. Republicans support oil and Democrats continue to believe that racial outrage is the most reliable source of energy.

The Supreme Court ended three days of oral arguments on ObamaCare Wednesday without discussing the eligibility panels. They can ration the number of procedures. ObamaCare is like those hospital gowns that tie in the back, you just think you’re covered.

— Argus Hamilton

Did you see the story about the mother duck and her ducklings helped through a a fence at the White House property? The Secret Service pushed the little ducks through the fence. Of course, the Secret Service checked to make sure the ducks had donated enough money to President Obama’s re-election campaign.

This weekend former Vice President Dick Cheney received a heart transplant. Fox News sent him flowers. MSNBC sent chili cheese fries.

Osama bin Laden’s family has been charged with being in Pakistan illegally. But their lawyer says they were just there willing to do the terrorist jobs the Pakistanis didn’t want to do.

A madam in New York City claims that John Edwards was a customer in her brothel. You hear that kind of thing and it really makes you lose respect for prostitutes, doesn’t it?

I think even President Obama realizes the Obamacare thing is not looking good in front of the Supreme Court. He’s starting to downplay it. Like today he called it Bidencare.

— Leno

President Obama is getting tough on North Korea. This weekend President Obama warned Kim Jong Un that bad behavior will not be rewarded. Then Kim Jong Un asked, “So how do you explain a new season of ‘Jersey Shore’?”

Yesterday Joe Biden thanked Dr. Pepper instead of a woman named Dr. Paper. Biden apologized and said he meant no disre-sprite.

— Conan

Mitt Romney was a guest on “The Tonight Show” on NBC. It’s interesting — you have an empty suit trying to please everyone, and then Romney comes out.

— Letterman

Fathom the Hypocrisy of a Government that requires every citizen to prove they are insured, but not everyone must prove they are a citizen.

— Ben Stein


Top 10 Rejected Obamacare Slogans

10. Why choose an expensive treatment when pain-pills will do?

9. Assisted Suicide: Do it for the Children

8. We Put the Rash in Rationing

7. Ask Us About Our Discount Placebo Program!

6. Only Selfish People Beg for CAT Scans.

5. Take a Number! The Bureau of Health Waiting Rooms reports the average wait time is now down to 123 minutes (in some locations)

4. Quack isn’t just the sound a duck makes: we’re importing medical experts from Mexico as part of our new Health Amnesty Program!

3. Shut up, take a seat and wait for your number to be called, Mr. GB21708-4.

2. David Axelrod reviewing your medical records: what could go wrong?

1. Sound mind, sound body — take your pick.

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