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In Case You Missed It Dept.:
White House Press Secretary Jay Carney told the reporters at his morning briefing that he hoped they would watch the new movie about Obama’s first term “many times.” They might. Look how well “Titanic” did at the box office.
During a speech in Chicago, President Obama said, “it’s not as trendy to be involved in the Obama campaign” as it was in 2008. Probably because neither is being employed.
PBS’s Tavis Smiley said that we need “a national plan to reduce poverty.” Around here, we call it “election day.”
At a House committee hearing, Obama’s Energy Secretary Steven Chu gave himself an “A” for his work on gas prices. Apparently the only thing rising faster than prices at the pump is grade-inflation.
First Lady Michelle Obama told David Letterman that her and Barack have tried to bring the values of “the south side of Chicago” to the White House. Say, isn’t that where Bad, Bad Leroy Brown was from?
For the last 3 days, residents in the small town of Clintonville, Wisconsin, have been subjected to a mysterious booming noises. Don’t know what the cause is, but it’s probably not the economy.
During an interview on MSNBC, Obama adviser David Axelrod said that selling Obamacare to the public has been a “communications challenge.” Absolutely. They just don’t listen when we say “no.”
During an interview on NPR, President Obama denied responsibility for Solyndra’s failure, saying the bankrupt solar power company was “not our program.” Wish he’d have said that half a billion dollars ago.
During a speech in Oklahoma, President Obama said his administration has added enough new oil-and-gas pipelines to “encircle the Earth and then some.” Technically true, if you put it around the globe on his desk.
Republicans in the House voted to repeal the “death panel” portion of Obamacare. And – no kidding – the story actually said, “the bill is sure to die in the Senate.”
During a speech on the House floor, Nancy Pelosi said that Obamacare “helps guarantee” life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Sure. By forcing you to pay for other people’s.
— Fred Thompson
Energy Secretary Steven Chu told Congress that high gas prices will wean Americans off oil as car fuel. That’s news. No one knew that when President Obama promised to get the U.S. economy on its feet it would end with Nike naming a walking shoe after him.
Russia’s president Vladimir Putin said Thursday he is looking forward to coming to Chicago to attend next month’s NATO military summit. He was coming to the Windy City anyway. This year he’s the keynote speaker at the annual election-stealing convention.
President Obama took British Prime Minister David Cameron to an NCAA basketball tournament game in Dayton Tuesday. Their appearance at the game was globally significant. It highlights the Special Relationship between President Obama and basketball.
President Obama is hosting a state dinner for British Prime Minister David Cameron tonight. The president and the British are getting along a lot better lately. They love to compare notes on ways the Tea Party’s always trying to overthrow their rule in America.
President Obama filled out his NCAA basketball bracket Sunday and staged a contest with his supporters to fill out a bracket that’ll outdo his predictions. He could lose. The Final Four are gas prices, health insurance rate hikes, unemployment and foreclosures.
The White House blocked a Texas law requiring voters to show government issued photo-ID at the polls. It’s obvious why. As hard as the Democrats are working to turn out the illegal alien vote, the last thing they need is a state law that sends out mixed signals.
President Obama’s approval rating slid to an all-time low of forty-one percent in the CBS News poll. He had a bad week. The president is right to be concerned because the moment it hits forty percent, Hillary starts getting her hair done and wearing bright colors.
George Clooney led protests at Sudan’s Embassy in Washington D.C. Friday. He spent the week rubbing elbows with politicians, lobbyists and the president. After two days in Washington he couldn’t wait to return to the relative depth and sincerity of Los Angeles.
President Obama revealed his NCAA bracket picks in an ESPN special along with his Final Four selections Thursday. It caused eyes to roll. Energy companies complained that it was just another example of the federal government picking the winners and losers.
President Obama will visit a New Mexico oil field today then fly to Oklahoma to talk with oil men. The Secret Service is concerned. It’s the first time a president has visited the enemy in person since Nixon went to China and Bill Clinton spoke at Promise Keepers.
President Obama’s re-election campaign reported raising three hundred million so far for the fall doubling the GOP amount. It’s become quite an industry. Thanks to our perpetual presidential campaign America is now the world’s leader in waste management.
Venezuela President Hugo Chavez told his nation Sunday that he’s about to undergo radiation after being treated for cancer in Cuba. Being an enemy of the West can be unhealthy. Iran’s president is about to get radiation too, although his doctor hasn’t ordered it.
President Obama faced calls from Democrats Monday to okay Keystone’s oil pipeline as oil prices rose. He doesn’t want environmentalists questioning if he is green. You never know when Sheriff Joe Arpaio is going to ask you to produce an earth certificate.
The Weather Channel recorded eighty-six degree temperatures in Chicago Tuesday while cherry trees bloomed in Washington D.C. Half the people don’t believe in global warming, the other half enjoy it. Al Gore just announced that nice weather causes cancer.
Mitt Romney was heckled Monday by a female college student in Chicago who demanded free birth control. He answered if you want free stuff, vote for Obama. Mitt Romney has wandered so far off message he’s writing bumper sticker slogans for President Obama.
Oprah Winfrey canceled Rosie O’Donnell’s talk show and fired thirty people on the Oprah Winfrey Network. Oprah decided she won’t engage in deficit spending to spur growth. It’s a shame she didn’t donate enough to President Obama’s campaign to get appointed Treasury Secretary, because this is the kind of leadership we’ve been looking for.
Jeb Bush endorsed Mitt Romney for president Wednesday and called for Republican leaders to unite behind the front-runner. His work is only half-done. Jeb Bush still has to engineer a trade to send Rick Santorum to the New York Jets to get him out of the way.
John Edwards denied reports Friday he used campaign funds to hire a call girl while running for president. It’s sad. The moral of the story is, always use your own money for your four hundred dollar haircuts, for your call girl, and for your mistress’s video camera.
Congress passed a bill Thursday banning insider trading by House members. It’s a watered down version of the original bill. It strictly bans insider trading by members of Congress but it has exceptions for stocks, bonds, real estate, currency and precious metals.
President Obama assured an Oklahoma crowd Thursday he favored oil drilling. That went over well. The president was on the road to publicize the Obama Doctrine, which states that the federal government can solve every problem on earth except high oil prices.
— Argus Hamilton
You know what’s kind of ironic? This will be the fourth St. Patrick’s Day of Obama’s presidency. He still hasn’t created a green job. What happened to those?
Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich made his final public appearance yesterday, before beginning his 14-year prison term. No word on who his cell mate is yet. It’s probably a good chance it’s another former Illinois governor.
According to a new book, President Obama blames Fox News for his political problems and losing voters. How could Fox News lose him voters? If you’re watching Fox News, you’re probably not voting for him in the first place.
The candidates are choosing their Secret Service code names. Why do they tell us? You’d think that should be secret. Mitt Romney picked “Javelin” as his Secret Service code name. Rick Santorum chose “Petris” because that’s his grandfather’s name. Barack Obama chose “Gas prices are not my fault.”
At the White House this week, President Obama and the first lady hosted a St. Patrick’s Day reception for the Irish prime minister. They had a bartender pouring green beer, which is about as close as the White House has come to creating green jobs so far.
There are reports that John Edwards visited a brothel here in New York while running for president and paid with campaign funds. Do you realize what this could do to his reputation? Absolutely nothing. Absolutely nothing to that man’s reputation.
— Jimmy Fallon
Over the weekend, a group of Occupy Wall Street protesters tried to reoccupy a New York park. You can tell the movement has been hurting for funds. This time they called themselves “Occupy Wall Street brought to you by Sony Pictures ’21 Jump Street.'”
Disastrous news for Walt Disney. They’ve announced they’ve lost $200 million on the movie “John Carter.” This doesn’t bode well for Disney’s upcoming $250 million epic, “Jimmy Carter.”
John McCain’s daughter Meghan is going to be in the April issue of Playboy. I’m just glad John’s not alive to see this.
Here’s what I like about Rod Blagojevich. If you want to be governor of Illinois, of course you have to run. And then you have to get elected, and then you have to go to federal prison. It’s just part of their tradition.
When I heard the Republicans were in President Obama’s home state, I said, “They’re holding a primary in Kenya?”
– Craig Ferguson
March Madness started again today with the start of the round known as the Sweet 16. President Obama’s bracket was in the top 2 percent of everyone who makes picks on Espn.com. I guess it helps when you can send the CIA in to scout the teams. President Obama did this last year, too. Once again, he is out of touch with regular hard-working Americans who don’t know how to bet on college basketball.
— Jimmy Kimmel
On eBay, I put in a $7 bid for a “Mickey Mouse Outfit” and now it seems I’m only nineteen minutes away from owning Obama’s entire Cabinet.