Today’s Toons 3/19/12

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Energy Secretary Steven Chu was asked during a congressional hearing if he drove a Chevy Volt, but claimed he didn’t own a car. Ah… so he DOES have a Volt.

Although DC took $885 million in stimulus money, city officials said they “don’t know” how many DC residents got jobs from it. Great. I suppose now they’ll ask for a “stimulus money tracking program” grant.

Congressional Budget Office figures show that President Obama set a new record for deficits in February. Unfortunately, I get that sinking feeling that Obama believes records are made to be broken.

President Obama said he wants to increase the $7,500 tax credit for alternative-energy vehicles to $10,000. Better idea: increase the range of alternative-energy vehicles to 10,000 feet.

In Kentucky, a 92-year-old cattle rancher chased 3 thieves off his property at gunpoint. Ladies and gentlemen – America’s new Secretary of Homeland Security.

During his weekly address, President Obama said, “I’m going to keep doing everything I can to help you save money on gas.” Guess he’ll be voting Republican in November, too, then.

During a speech in Texas, President Obama defended his health care law, saying “this is the defining issue of our times.” No, it’s whether the government or the people get to write the definitions.

The Air Force is pulling nine cargo aircraft from military operations to support President Obama’s stepped-up visits to campaign events. Good. Now he can carry his entire ego with him on the trail.

When asked to name the negatives about Obama’s presidency, liberal filmmaker Davis Guggenheim said “too many accomplishments.” A very crowded Supreme Court docket agrees.

A new Heritage Foundation report shows federal regulations from the Obama administration are costing consumers, businesses, and the economy $46 billion annually. What an insane waste of money. You could bail out a car company for kind of loot.

A new Rasmussen poll shows that 59% of Americans think President Obama is more liberal than they are. I’m guessing the other 41% didn’t answer because they only speak Chinese.

Russia’s space agency says it now plans to put Russian cosmonauts on the moon. Say, while you’re up there, Obama asked if you’d mind grabbing those golf balls for him.

When asked by a TV station in Ohio what he’s doing about gas prices, President Obama said he’s “set up a task force.” All I can say is that the members of that task force better know how to operate a drilling rig.

At a “Let’s Move” event, Michelle Obama told the kids that the Olympics are not about “who wins the medals.” Must be practicing to console Barack in November.

Did anyone else notice how many actors showed up for Obama’s state dinner with David Cameron? Give him credit for solving America’s #1 most pressing problem: underfed Hollywood millionaires

The United Nations Human Rights Council is investigating the fairness of American voter-ID laws. If they get their way, you won’t need an ID card to vote, but you will need a resolution.

During a speech in Maryland, President Obama dismissed opponents of his green energy programs as “members of the Flat Earth Society.” Although, unlike Solyndra, the Flat Earth Society is still in business.

— Fred Thompson

Energy Secretary Steven Chu told Congress that high gas prices will wean Americans off oil as car fuel. That’s news. No one knew that when President Obama promised to get the U.S. economy on its feet it would end with Nike naming a walking shoe after him.

Russia’s president Vladimir Putin said Thursday he is looking forward to coming to Chicago to attend next month’s NATO military summit. He was coming to the Windy City anyway. This year he’s the keynote speaker at the annual election-stealing convention.

President Obama took British Prime Minister David Cameron to an NCAA basketball tournament game in Dayton Tuesday. Their appearance at the game was globally significant. It highlights the Special Relationship between President Obama and basketball.

President Obama is hosting a state dinner for British Prime Minister David Cameron tonight. The president and the British are getting along a lot better lately. They love to compare notes on ways the Tea Party’s always trying to overthrow their rule in America.

President Obama filled out his NCAA basketball bracket Sunday and staged a contest with his supporters to fill out a bracket that’ll outdo his predictions. He could lose. The Final Four are gas prices, health insurance rate hikes, unemployment and foreclosures.

The White House blocked a Texas law requiring voters to show government issued photo-ID at the polls. It’s obvious why. As hard as the Democrats are working to turn out the illegal alien vote, the last thing they need is a state law that sends out mixed signals.

President Obama’s approval rating slid to an all-time low of forty-one percent in the CBS News poll. He had a bad week. The president is right to be concerned because the moment it hits forty percent, Hillary starts getting her hair done and wearing bright colors.

Democratic billionaire donor George Soros was sued by his ex-girlfriend Tuesday for reneging on his promise to buy her a New York apartment. Last year he gave her a pair of diamond earrings on her birthday and she hasn’t spoken to him since. That was the deal.

President Obama gave a speech defending his energy policy to Maryland college kids Wednesday. He had the sound system reverb turned up for added echo. He thinks if he sounds enough like the voice of God, the Republicans will agree to raise taxes on the rich.

President Obama chose Missouri, North Carolina, Kentucky and Ohio State in his NCAA Final Four on ESPN Thursday. You’ve got to hand it to him. He knew everything about all sixty-four teams, then he picked four schools from swing states crucial to his re-election.

— Argus Hamilton

They say gasoline could be $6 a gallon. But the good news is the White House says President Obama is aware of the problem, and will continue to talk about it between fundraisers.

President Obama today released his NCAA bracket. He is a huge basketball fan. But privately, White House aides are worried that if he spends so much time on this, it could affect his golf game.

Not a good week for President Obama either. His approval rating has dropped 9 percent in the last month to an all-time low of 41 percent. In fact, if this keeps up, the White House said they may have to fish out bin Laden and shoot him all over again.

President Obama said he’s set up a task force to look into high gas prices. He’d look into it himself, but he’s busy working on those NCAA tournament brackets.

— Leno

The latest polls show President Obama’s approval rating among women has risen by 10 percent. Many people believe this increase is due to Obama’s new campaign slogan: “Tell me about your day.” In a few months Obama’s going to unveil this one: “Would you like white wine and a foot massage?”

— Conan



10. Gold plated condoms

9. Paying for Bill Clinton’s vasectomy.

8. Needed to replace her convertible’s shock absorbers.

7. John Edwards was in town…I’m just sayin.

6. Smoked $50 Cuban cigars after sex.

5. EPA issued a new tax on “toxic fluids cleanup”

4. She had a habit of tipping the abortion doctor.

3. Hired a P/R firm to promote her body as a “womb with a view”.

2. Had to pay off Michelle Obama to make sure that oral sex didn’t fall under the “food police”.

1. It’s that dang Obamacare. He said the rates wouldn’t go up but as usual the prez is a lying SOB.


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