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In Case You Missed It Dept.:
Climate experts are now saying there’s been no global warming for the last 15 years, and now we should be worried about a “mini-ice age.” Let me guess – they just need more government funding to be absolutely sure this time?
During an interview on CNN, Ron Paul described the TSA as “a bureaucratic monster.” True. An airport security line is the only place that makes me long for the courtesy and efficiency of the DMV.
MSNBC’s Dylan Ratigan did a show on the plight of the jobless – from a 5-star Miami resort hotel. Next up: a report on Obama’s appeal to the common man, straight from the 18th hole.
During a speech in Maryland, Vice President Joe Biden said that what America needs is more “trickle down government.” Joe, if government is trickling down, what we need to do is stop the leak.
During an interview with ABC, President Obama said, “I make a mistake every hour, every day.” I wouldn’t mind that so much if he didn’t keep signing them into law.
In one day of fundraising, the President, Vice President, and First Lady raked in over $5 million. Looks like they finally got those greedy rich people to pay their fair share.
New York City has gone on a hiring spree – adding over 100 workers to process the demand for food stamps and other government assistance. Yes, the no-business business is certainly booming.
At a Texas fundraiser, Vice President Joe Biden said: “Osama bin Laden is dead and General Motors is alive.” The rest of the nation: walking wounded.
The latest numbers show that The New York Times Company lost $40 million in 2011. Bet they could find it if it were in a folder marked “Top Secret.”
A new report shows that at least two DOJ prosecutors accepted cash bribes from corrupt finance executives to avoid prosecution. All part of Obama’s “making the rich pay their fair share” plan, I’m sure.
A NASA space probe has beamed back its first images of the far side of the moon. Disappointing news – STILL no sign of a Democrat budget.
— Fred Thompson
Warren Buffett’s secretary did talk shows after her tax rate became an argument for higher taxes on the rich. It came out he pays her half a million a year. That’s sixty grand to be his secretary and four hundred and forty thousand not to turn over the books to the IRS.
Newt Gingrich told the debate audience on Thursday he stands behind his visionary idea of planting ten thousand Americans on the moon. This is part of his long-term strategy for governing America. He wants to establish a colony up on the moon and populate it with moderate Republicans.
President Obama’s campaign trip took him to Arizona and Nevada Thursday and he spent the night in a Las Vegas Strip hotel. They love the president in that town. When they found out that he was sixteen trillion dollars in debt, they comped the buffet for him.
Newt Gingrich was sued by an L.A. music publisher for playing Eye of the Tiger as his campaign song without payment or permission. It’s the theme song from the movie Rocky III. The Democratic music moguls are all socialists till you try to share one of their songs.
The Manhattan Institute issued a race study saying Chicago is America’s most racially segregated city. This is an old story. President Obama left Chicago because he‘s bi-racial and there was no place for him to live.
House Republicans voted to ban ATM’s from giving out money when welfare debit cards are swiped at casinos or strip clubs. Rules are rules. Low-income people are not supposed to use the welfare debit cards at strip clubs and casinos, they’re supposed to use the Refundable Child Tax Credit.
President Obama proposed a plan to help homeowners refinance their home loans even if they owe more on their houses than they’re worth. Why stop now? If this were a show on the Discovery Channel it’d be called the Undersea World of Fannie and Freddie.
The White House said Monday that lawsuits may force it to release the Osama bin Laden kill video. The courts are rushing them. They didn’t want to release it til they finish the computer animation that put Barack Obama’s face on the Navy SEAL who pulled the trigger.
Sandia National Lab scientists in New Mexico invented a rifle-fired bullet that guides itself to its target. The rifle scope paints a red laser on the target and the bullet corrects itself in flight to hit it. By nightfall, the Justice Department was giving them away at the Mexican border.
Donald Trump declared Thursday he is endorsing Mitt Romney for president. It was a last-minute switch. The Donald was all set to endorse Newt Gingrich but when Mitt Romney said Tuesday he doesn’t worry about poor people, Trump had to go with his heart.
Mitt Romney said Tuesday he wants to help middle-class Americans, adding that he’s not concerned about the poor because the safety net will always be there for the poor. It showed real courage. He is the first leader to stand up to the poor since Marie Antoinette.
— Argus Hamilton
Ron Paul was not in Florida, he was campaigning up in Maine. They think he was afraid that if he went to Florida, they’d grab him and put him in an old folks home.
President Obama has been working on a new plan to boost tourism in America by making it easier for foreigners to get into the United States. We have that already. It’s called Mexico.
Mitt Romney said he is not concerned with the very poor. That statement worked out well for Marie Antoinette, didn’t it?
Donald Trump has now endorsed Mitt Romney. Imagine that: A billionaire reaching out to a millionaire.
Romney knows how President Obama thinks. Because when he was governor of Massachusetts, he thought the exact same way.
Donald Trump announced that he’s endorsing Mitt Romney for president. It was really nice. Trump was like, “There’s only one man with the brains, the skills, and the charisma to be president — but since I’m not running, you might as well vote for Mitt Romney.”
— Jimmy Fallon
Snoop Dogg endorsed Ron Paul for president. Snoop said he likes Paul’s positions on everything from legalizing pot to legalizing pot.
The government may be legally required to release the video of Osama bin Laden’s killing. President Obama said this would be unhelpful, inflammatory, and “Could you please release it two days before the election?” Read more on
Romney was endorsed by Donald Trump. You know what that means, ladies and gentlemen. Nothing.
Rick Santorum says Newt Gingrich is too hot, Mitt Romney is too cold, but he’s the “Goldilocks candidate.” Yes, nothing gets voters excited like comparing yourself to tepid porridge.
A lot of people want Gingrich and Romney to continue their attacks on each another all the way to the convention. These people are called Democrats.
It’s Groundhog Day. A groundhog knows as much about weather as Mitt Romney knows about poor people.
– Craig Ferguson
Donald Trump made a surprise endorsement of Mitt Romney for president. And Mitt climbed into Donald’s golden helicopter and they flew around the country, dropping silver dollars on the homeless and unemployed.
— Jimmy Kimmel