Today’s Toons 1/30/12

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This Thread Brought To You By The Letter “W”:

In Case You Missed It Dept.:

New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd said that Obama’s presidency has “all the joy of a root canal.” So… Obamacare has a dental plan, too?

For the third time in four years, President Obama will again miss his statutory requirement to present a Federal budget on time. If he had to present it at Martha’s Vineyard, I’ll bet this wouldn’t be an issue.

Fox News’ Ed Henry asked White House Press Secretary Jay Carney if there was “some kind of portrait” of Saul Alinsky hanging in the White House. No, but Saul probably had one in his attic the grew mysteriously older and uglier over the years.

Warren Buffett now says that his offer to help pay down the national debt was merely “symbolic.” Ah… sorta like an Obama “stimulus” program

During an interview, $13 million/year anchorman Brian Williams criticized Mitt Romney’s “unimaginable wealth.” Brian, wealth is only unimaginable if Obama gets reelected.

— Fred Thompson

President Obama halted the Keystone pipeline Thursday, citing its potential harm to underground aquifers in Nebraska. He said he’s a committed environmentalist. Barack Obama is so committed to recycling that he’s promising hope and change in his next term.

Hollywood threatened Friday to cut off donations to President Obama for not backing an anti-piracy bill. No wonder the lavish White House party with Johnny Depp was kept secret. Obama didn’t want Hollywood to know of his connections to the pirate community.

Michelle Obama dined out on her birthday Monday and ordered a steak, French fries, Caesar’s salad and cake. It’s called setting an example. No one wants to mention the size of the steak, but the restaurant does not make you pay for it if you can eat the whole thing.

President Obama hits the road today to highlight his first term successes. He got rid of Osama bin Laden, he got rid of Anwar al-Awlaki, he got rid of Moammar Kadaffi. It would guarantee his re-election if somebody would just re-name our top problem Nation al-Debt.

Mitt Romney campaigned in Florida Monday after losing big in South Carolina’s GOP primary, and this time he’s trying a more populist approach. He told voters he was brought up on the real streets of America. The Michigan governor’s mansion is in a really bad neighborhood.

Boston Bruins star Tim Thomas refused to attend a White House ceremony honoring their Stanley Cup. He’s protesting that the federal government is out of control. You know all the incumbents are going to lose when people with head injuries and no teeth can see it.

President Obama spoke for one hour to Congress in his State of the Union speech on Tuesday. Opinions on it varied. Democrats called the speech an inspiring call to action while Republicans labeled it the longest cold opening in the history of Saturday Night Live.

NBC News held a GOP debate in Tampa Tuesday but the network told the crowd not to applaud, cheer or laugh during the debate. The crowd sat completely silent through all their best lines. Only comedians who’ve told Obama jokes in Los Angeles know the feeling.

Mitt Romney revealed in his tax returns that he makes twenty million dollars a year in investment income. He’s now spending a hundred million dollars to get a job that pays four hundred thousand a year. Even as a child he liked to mow lawns for a few extra bucks.

— Argus Hamilton

Yesterday in Florida, President Obama kissed a woman on the cheek after she told him he looks good. Which explains why last night, Michelle made him sleep on Air Mattress One.

— Jimmy Fallon

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi says she has dirt on Newt Gingrich, but so far she’s keeping her lips sealed — because that’s how the last surgeon left them.

According to new polls that just came out, Mitt Romney does very well with Republican voters who make more than $200,000. Or as Romney calls them, “trailer trash.”

— Conan

President Obama was addressing some dignitaries at Disney World. They even put the pants on Donald Duck.

— Letterman

President Obama was in Disney World to introduce a new plan to boost tourism in the United States. And also because the Mickey Mouse ears fit perfectly over his real ones.

There was another Republican debate in Florida tonight. What is left to know about these candidates? Is someone going to confess to a murder?

— Jimmy Kimmel


As we get closer and closer to the 2012 election, it’s important to remember The Rules we play by. The Rules are taken from the Chicago playbook of rules where they are simply known as… Chicago Rules. Chicago Rules are illustrated by the six photographs below:

Rod Blagojevich is the former Illinois Governor who tried to sell Obama’s seat in Congress. Obama was asked by the press if he had ever met Gov. Rod Blagojevich. He replied: “I only saw Rod Blagojevich one time … And that was in the stands and from a distance at a Chicago Bears Football Game.”

Of course, you can believe him – he’s our President. The picture below? That’s irrelevant.

Rod Blagojevich, Barack Obama, and Richard Daley during a rally in Chicago, April 16, 2007. (Photo Reuters) Note: Rahm Emanuel has replaced Daley as Mayor! And Daley’s brother has replaced Rahm as a chief adviser to the president. But you don’t need to know all this.

You have to understand “the world according to Chicago.” Chicago is almost a completely different country when it comes to politics. Chicago even has a different set of morals and language. There are three rules and a Prime Directive.

RULE #1. No matter what you see, hear, or do — you don’t know anybody & you know nothing!

RULE #2. If you capture something on tape or camera – it reveals nothing!

RULE #3. If you know what everybody else in Chicago knows — you still know nothing.

The PRIME DIRECTIVE … No matter what the vote, Democrats win the election.

Now pay close attention! It’s very simple. Remember, you know nothing.

These two? They never met! Obama said they didn’t.

“These two? Who are they?”

The guy on the left? He’s Santa Claus. And the guy on the right… he’s the Easter Bunny! That’s all you need to know.

These two? Don’t ask.

Remember Jimmy Hoffa? He knew too much. Where is he now? Don’t ask. Do you understand? Don’t look at these pictures! Remember, you’ve already forgotten them…

Do you understand? They don’t know each other and they never met!

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