Do you ever think, “What could I have done differently?”If I knew that my life tomorrow would be ok and that I would be comfortable and loved and happy I think I would rest a lot easier. I have a man that loves me unconditionally and that should make all the difference in the world.
Now, I have of course done things in my life that I am ashamed of or things that were wrong. For those things I am sorry and I asked for forgiveness. I have been forgiven and started anew. For the last 20 years of my life I have been a Mom. I loved being a Mom. My kids were the most important thing to me. I spent day and night loving them, holding them, reassuring them and trying to help them grow into happy young adults. I wouldn’t have traded that experience for anything. Now they are at an age when they are ready to be on their own.
I have one that is already out in the world but is very angry at his Mom. He once told me that I ruined his life by being protective of him. Now I have a daughter that has left the nest and is angry as well. She is definitely not a happy person, very angry and I’m not sure why. All I can say is that I tried my best. Maybe because their dad and I divorced a couple of years ago they think that only one parent can be the ‘good one’ and it seems they both chose their dad. This really hurts. I can only hope and pray that one day my kids will understand how much I love them, and trust me, I do hope and pray every day just for that.
Now I have a wonderful man in my life. I can’t imagine going one day without him. This man is very strong. He is the strong silent type. Most days I go through life laughing and giggling with him because he makes me feel so special. I’m having a hard time these days with my daughter leaving that I can just cry at the drop of a hat. I can only imagine how he must feel. I know he doesn’t like to see me cry but maybe it’s my age, maybe it’s all that’s going on, but I just can’t stop myself sometimes. My heart breaks for those kids.
A quote comes to mind right now, “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were.” Well, this is my time to set my children free. They have gone. One day I will see if they come back. My love, my future husband, I once had to set him free… years ago. I did, and guess what, he came back. He came back into my life and as far as I can tell he has no plans on going anywhere. I am a very lucky woman. I got a second chance at love with the man of my dreams. I am sure as heck not gonna blow it! He helps me to be a stronger person each and every day.
If I may use one more quote this would describe my way of thinking: “Live life fully while you’re here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You’re going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don’t try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human.” Anthony Robbins.