Today’s Toons 12/26/11

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After 12 weeks of being blocked by Occupy Wall Street protesters, a small cafe in New York is now going out of business. As usual, when liberals aim for fat cats, they end up kicking kittens.

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi said that extending unemployment benefits would add “600,000 jobs to our economy.” So… the cure for America’s obesity problem would be paying people to gain weight?

An all-star list of progressive and liberal media folks came to the White House on Monday to chat with President Obama over coffee in the Roosevelt Room. Wonder if they had to leave through the same trash door as the Dalai Lama?

— Fred Thompson

President Obama blamed the recession Thursday on thirty years of policies that have brought us to this point. That makes everything the fault of two Bushes, a Reagan and a Clinton. The Obama Presidential Library will feature four wings of blame and a gift shop.

Mitt Romney ripped Newt Gingrich Thursday for having a half-million dollar line of credit at Tiffany’s. It looked unseemly for Republicans to wage class warfare on one another. Mitt Romney is super-rich and Newt is solvent, which is rich by today’s standards.

Michelle Obama told People magazine Friday she doesn’t allow her daughters Sasha and Malia to go on Facebook. She said there’s no reason for people they don’t know to know their family business. So many people in Chicago feel that way that the Justice Department has an entire division for them.

Webster’s Dictionary selected the word pragmatic as Word of the Year Friday due to its frequent use in political and economic discourse. Language matters. Just this week North Korea’s leader changed his named to Kim Jong Gone, seeing that he’s not ill anymore.

North Korea’s dictator Kim Jong-Il died on Sunday. Every day he drank two quarts of cognac, smoked Cuban cigars, took Cialis and dated teenage girls. In his honor, the front row at L.A. Lakers games will sit in the missing dirty old man formation for the entire season.

President Obama said he won’t sign a GOP-passed payroll tax that’s tied to approval of the Keystone pipeline. He doesn’t want environmentalists heckling him during the campaign. He only has three snappy comebacks and he wants to use them on the Tea Party.

Journal Pediatrics released a study Monday showing that one American in three will be arrested by the time they reach college age. There’s a huge margin of error in the study. If Ron Paul gets elected and pot is legalized, we’ll have seventy million clean records.

President Obama rated himself the fourth best president in U.S. history Sunday in his interview on CBS’s 60 Minutes. He has a healthy ego. Obama rated himself fourth behind Abe Lincoln, FDR and LBJ, which is only true if you are measuring them by their golf scores.

L.A. schools reported Tuesday that students are not buying into Michelle Obama’s healthy school lunch program. Eighty-seven percent of students buy their lunch on the black market. You’d think Saddam Hussein invaded us to bring dictatorship to the United States.

The Iron Lady starring Meryl Streep as Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher is opening next week. The previews have generated a huge Oscar buzz. The Hollywood actress is playing an anti-communist, union-busting, free-market conservative. Brother, that’s acting.

North Korea’s dictator Kim Jong-Il died on Sunday. Every day he drank two quarts of cognac, smoked Cuban cigars, took Cialis and dated teenage girls. In his honor, the front row at L.A. Lakers games will sit in the missing dirty old man formation for the entire season.

President Obama went shopping at a Washington D.C. mall Wednesday and he stopped off in the food court to enjoy pizza. Whenever his wife is out of town he eats hamburgers and fries and pizza. He has to store up enough body fat to get him through arugula season.

North Korea staged a huge procession to pass by Kim Jong Il’s body in a mausoleum on Wednesday where the communist dictator was displayed in a glass-encased bier. The funeral is set for Friday. North Korea has asked that in lieu of flowers to please send wheat and toilet paper.

Congress got an all-time low approval rating of eleven percent Tuesday in the Gallup Poll as the House adjourned for Christmas. There’s only one upside. In three years Anthony Weiner will get to tell his child he’s an Internet flasher and not a U.S. Congressman

— Argus Hamilton

I’ve got to admit, Christmas is strange in Los Angeles. People in Hollywood marvel when they see the nativity scene because rarely do people in this town ever see a baby being taken care of by both parents at the same time.

President Obama now says he didn’t know how bad the economy was when he took office. And if it doesn’t improve soon, that’s what the next president is going to be saying.

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez called President Obama a clown and an embarrassment. You don’t talk about our president that way. Our vice president, sure, that would be fine.

Anthony Weiner and is his wife, Huma, have given birth to a baby boy. He posted a photo of the new baby on Twitter, but people are afraid to open it.

— Leno

The White House already had its annual Hanukkah reception. Yeah, first Obama lit a menorah. Then Biden made a wish and blew it out.

President Obama bought about $200 worth of Christmas presents at Best Buy. Then it got awkward when he asked the Geek Squad if they fix economies.

— Jimmy Fallon

It is being reported that school children in North Korea were taught that Kim Jong Il did not ever use the bathroom. So today, most school children in North Korea assumed that their fearless leader exploded.

I found out my secret Santa was Kim Jong Il. Three days in a row I got sunglasses, then nothing.

It’s been reported that Kim Jong Il’s son has been chosen as the new leader of North Korea, over his two older brothers. That’s right. They completely passed over Tito and Jermaine.

— Conan

The family is saying now that in lieu of flowers for Kim Jong Il, they encourage you to send enriched uranium.

President Barack Obama went out and did some shopping. He took the entire White House Press Corps with him, but still he’s out there boosting the economy — the Chinese economy but still, he’s doing what he can, ladies and gentlemen.

— Letterman

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