Today’s Toons 10/31/11

Click for related video:

Click for video:

Click below for related audio:

This Thread Brought To You By The Letter P:

In Case You Missed It Dept.:

Occupy Wall Street’s Finance Committee has nearly $500,000 in the bank, and now some protesters are angry that they’re not sharing. Coming soon: Occupy Occupy Wall Street

A columnist for the New York Daily News has declared that Herman Cain’s use of the word “cornbread” is “troubling”. Yes, why can’t he talk about “arugula” like normal presidential candidates?

Michelle Obama is writing a book about the White House garden titled “American Grown.” To be followed by one on the economy titled “American Shrunk.”

WikiLeaks says it will stop publishing state secrets because it is running out of money. No surprise. That strategy didn’t help the New York Times, either.

Democrat Congresswoman Rosa DeLauro proposed an economic recovery bill that includes having the federal government distribute free diapers through daycare centers. Guess that’s the Democrat back-up plan if their free condom program fails.

President Obama banned photographers at his LA fundraisers. Probably the only person in America who hates having his picture taken with Hollywood celebrities.

The Portland School Board voted unanimously to allow anti-war protesters to set up alongside military recruiters in public high schools. Well that doesn’t seem very balanced if there’s no booth for Al Qaeda.

President Obama says he gets his gray hair from his grandfather. Huh. The rest of us get it from his grandfather’s grandson.

Gaddafi’s children say they intend to sue NATO for “war crimes”. Guess they miss the ones their father used to provide.

During an interview with Piers Morgan, multi-millionaire Michael Moore repeatedly refused to admit that he was one of the wealthy “1%”. Bet he thinks he’s “just big-boned”, too.

Chicago is considering a law that would decriminalize possession of marijuana. I suppose that’s Rahm’s way of helping make people think voting for Obama is a good idea.

Obama’s new plan to help people with student loans would only save the average grad less than $10 a month. Isn’t this the same guy who mocked a gas-tax holiday in 2008 for saving you less than the cost of a tank of gas?

President Obama and Democrats on Capitol Hill are increasingly referring to the Congress as “Republican” even though their party controls the Senate. Just practicing for 2012, I guess.

During a fundraiser in San Francisco, President Obama said, “we have lost our ambition, our imagination.” Basically it was Carter’s “malaise” speech without all the sunshiny upbeat cheeriness.

— Fred Thompson

Occupy Wall Street protesters camped in a New York park celebrated one month of their demonstrations Friday. It’s forcing them to rough it. Their computers were stolen by park thieves and they have been forced to cheat on their spouses the old-fashioned way.

The White House loaned half a billion dollars to a car company that’ll make electric cars in Finland. They’re supposed to wean us off fossil fuels. They sell for ninety grand and that doesn’t include the services of the midget coal shoveler who lives under the hood.

New York’s Occupy Wall Street protesters fought each other over the half-million in donations they’ve gotten from leftist donors. The finance committee won’t give the money to their working groups. This isn’t a protest movement, it’s a communist terrarium.

President Obama got a three-point Gallup Poll bounce after Kadaffi was killed like he did when he killed bin Laden and al-Awlaki. His popularity goes up, then it goes down again. He has to kill a terrorist leader a day the way some people take cholesterol medicine.

President Obama was in L.A. for two campaign fundraisers in Bel-Air on Tuesday. He arrived billing himself as a warrior for the middle class. For all Bel-Air knows about the middle class he might as well bill himself as a warrior for a rent-to-own furniture store.

Rick Perry proposed a flat tax plan Tuesday which ditches the child tax credit. Under it illegal aliens were paid four billion dollars for having additional babies last year. The border fences can’t be high enough when you live in a country that pays people to have sex.

Washington police report two men wearing George W. Bush masks robbed a bank of one hundred thousand dollars. It only got worse . The next day a guy in a Barack Obama mask walked inside the bank and demanded a million dollars for struggling homeowners.

President Obama got a three-point bump in the polls after Kadaffi’s killing Monday. He got three-point bumps after knocking off al-Awlaki and bin Laden. When he first took office he wouldn’t even call it a War on Terror, now he kills terrorists the way some politicians kiss babies.

GOP candidate Rick Perry raised the issue of the veracity of President Obama’s birth certificate Sunday. He should tread carefully here. Rick Perry is already on the record in favor of benefits for illegal immigrants, but he has to draw the line at a second term for them.

Homeland Security was reported Monday to be funding a high-tech company which makes street lights that contain twenty-four hour surveillance cameras. It has the potential of making everybody in America a reality TV star. That’s how they’re selling it to the public.

Rick Perry went on Fox News and accused Mitt Romney of flip-flopping on the issues Wednesday. The charge didn’t go unanswered. Mitt Romney responded by saying Rick Perry doesn’t know what he is talking about, but praised him for his breadth of knowledge.

The Atlantic Monthly analyzed President Obama’s student loan debt reduction order Thursday and reported it only saves a student six to eight dollars a month. That’s only enough for one six pack. No politician ever got your vote for president just by wetting your whistle.

The State Department just bought thousands of books written by Barack Obama for overseas distribution. He gets a fifteen percent royalty on each book sold to his own government. Bill Clinton cannot believe there is actually something he didn’t think of first.

Hillary Clinton announced the U.S. is setting up an Internet-based virtual U.S. embassy in Iran. It’s to reach out to Iranians who want to learn about the U.S. or travel to the U.S. We could balance the budget just by selling them Great Satan costumes for Halloween.

— Argus Hamilton

It seemed that after he was killed, Gadhafi’s body was stored at a commercial freezer at a shopping mall. It’s one thing to hunt a guy down and shoot him twice in the head, but then to drag him to the mall? Come on, guys hate that.

We had President Obama on the show last night. I think the president enjoys visiting NBC because we’re the only place that has lower numbers than he does.

The McRib is back. You know, I wondered what they were going to do with Gadhafi’s body.

According to USA Today, 74 percent of Americans plan to hand out candy this Halloween. Although President Obama thinks it should be just the top 1 percent.

— Leno

Yesterday on CNN, Joe Biden said he hasn’t made up his mind about whether he’ll run for president in 2016. Which raises the question: “Who was raising that question?”

President Obama just launched his own blog on the website Tumblr. Incidentally, “tumbler” is what you call President Obama after looking at his poll numbers.

In an interview last night, Rick Perry criticized Mitt Romney for flip-flopping on the issues. Romney said that Perry has no idea what he’s talking about. Then he added, “But he does know what he’s talking about.”

President Obama just announced a new student loan plan that will forgive debt after 20 years. Yeah, Obama said that forgiving debt is the most honorable thing someone can do. And then he repeated that in Chinese.

A company in Illinois is selling a collectible baby doll of President Obama. It’s really cute. The doll can even say a few words, as long as it has a teleprompter. And just so Republicans don’t complain, it comes with a birth certificate.

— Jimmy Fallon

A bank in Washington was robbed by two men in George W. Bush masks. Luckily, right afterwards two guys in President Obama masks came and bailed the bank out, so everything is fine.

President Obama was back in Los Angeles today, where he will appear on the “Tonight Show” with Jay Leno, to highlight the one job that was saved during his administration.

Chaz Bono was voted off of “Dancing With the Stars.” Afterwards, he said he appeared on the program to show America a different kind of man. Yeah, because if there’s one thing America’s never seen, it’s a white guy who can’t dance.

— Conan

A new poll released today by Fox News has former Godfather’s Pizza CEO Herman Cain leading the Republican candidates for president. And he’s the funniest candidate by about 40 points.

— Jimmy Kimmel

President Obama is going to be a guest on “The Tonight Show” with Jay Leno. I’m surprised, because his popularity is at an all-time low. And there are people in the streets marching against him. So it’s nice of President Obama to help him out.

— Craig Ferguson

comments powered by Disqus